Monday, December 31, 2007

At the end, at the beginning...

Dear Friends,
As 2007 ends, we can each take time to reflect on the past year. Where have I been? Where am I going? Is this the life I want to lead? What can I change about my life at this time? What can I put on hold for the time being?

The end of the year is simply another opportunity to reflect on your life, to surrender to those things that will not change, to decide what things you have the power to change. If you make resolutions, remember that you may not keep the resolutions perfectly, but they serve as a guide to move in the direction you would like to be moving.

Today - New Year's Eve - or tomorrow - New Year's Day, spend a few moments sitting quietly. Allow yourself to consider what your most heart felt dream is, at this moment in time. You may have more than one dream - but try to keep it to only 2 or 3 at the most! As clearly as you can, write your dream, or your intention, on a piece of paper. Place the paper in a place that is private and special to you, wherever that may be.

Now your intention, your dream, your prayer, is in the hands of God, of the Universe.
From time to time, remember that you are being led in the direction of your dream.

Happy New Year!
Warmly,
meb

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Dropping into the Darkness

I've been reflecting on "darkness" and "light" during this season of the year. One way to think about Christmas and Hanukkah is as festivals of light. Solstice celebrations are also ancient reminders of the season when the darkness reaches its peak and the light begins to come into being again.

We are often afraid of the darkness. Do you still use a nightlight? As a teenager, I remember that my older brother sent me on an errand into the basement of our house as he worked on his car on the street. It was after dark. I moved slowly into the darkness of the basement, a place where I had been many, many times before, as if it were a place with which I was completely unfamiliar. When I found what my brother wanted, I rushed safely outside into the darkness of the city street, lit by street lights! We often hear of children who take a special toy to bed to protect them from the darkness.

"I said some words to the close and holy darkness," Dylan Thomas writes in "A Child's Christmas in Wales." Culturally, we associate darkness with something bad, or perhaps evil. But darkness is often a gift: at the end of a long and tiring day, at the end of a long illness that inspires others to say: "she's not suffering anymore," and even times in our lives that seem to be dark but actually hold a change or transition that will be life-giving for us. While we may still be afraid of the dark times in our lives, the darkness is simply another place where new life begins, like the seed in the cold and dark earth during the winter.

Say some words yourself to the close and holy darkness this season. Maybe you can even say "thank you" for the things in your life that seem the darkest. What gift is there in those places?

Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Staying Centered During the Holidays

If the ads we see, if the messages we hear during this season are correct, we should all be happy! The truth is, the activities added onto our already full schedules, the list of names of those for whom we want to buy the "perfect" gift, the threat of not completely happy family gatherings, make the holidays less than happy for many - if not most - of us. At this time of year, we also remember those who are no longer with us, and holiday time can actually be a time of sadness, and longing for an ideal we will never achieve. Remember this: you are not alone! Everyone you meet is as frazzled as you may be!

Time to practice coming back to yourself, even for a few moments! This is an opportunity to practice!

Take a few moments right now to come back to yourself. Feel yourself sitting in the chair. I mean "feel," - be aware of your seat touching the chair seat, notice how your arms feel, whether they are suspended in the air or touching the arms of the chair. Is there tenseness anywhere in your body? Don't try to relax the tenseness, simply notice it. Do you feel heavy or light? Are you comfortable, uncomfortable? Shift one part of your body ever so slightly - so slightly that someone watching you could not see you move. How does that feel? Breathe.

The best gift you can give yourself this season is a few moments of serenity, of calm in the middle of chaos. The more you do this, the more you will bring calm to others around you, too!

Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

A poem

Before I slept
I saw the moon dance with the clouds,
dancing red ribbons across the sky.
In the middle of that night a great horned owl
called his song
over and over -
waking me from sleep.
I lay there, wondering at the aw-ful beauty of the night
and how the owl knew the moon, also.

meb 12/07

Monday, December 3, 2007

When the birds come...

In late November and early December the little birds - finches and sparrows - come to feast from the tree outside my living room window. During the rest of the year I think of them often, and I look forward to their return. This year I had some worries, because several of the neighborhood's cats have taken to sitting on the stoop on my front porch. But the little birds have returned to their feast!

I love the little birds. Sometimes I watch them and I think about how completely themselves they are! They flit around the branches, looking for food. They fall upside down sometimes in their earnest pecking at the branches! How much do they weigh, I wonder? Do they know they bring me such pleasure, just by being themselves? Would they be frightened, if they looked to see that I was here?

Every moment in the day is an opportunity to be present and to reflect. Look for the simple pleasures in your day, in the middle of this busy, busy season. Your life will be complete, as it is, then.
Warmly,
meb

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Waiting for Light in the Time of Darkness

Today marks the first Sunday of Advent in the Christian tradition. Advent is a season all to itself, and Advent - the season - is actually longer than the Christian season of Christmas. As you and I know, television and radio and newspaper advertisements would have us think that Christmas - or Hannukah (a festival of light, like Christmas) has already arrived. Every year the seasonal colors are driven into our awareness earlier and earlier, it seems. This year I know I saw Christmas ads before Halloween.

Back to Advent. Advent means: waiting. Advent is the season when we wait for the Light to arrive in the Time of Darkness. People of all places and all ages have known that the cycle of the year leads to a time of darkness. And it is precisely at the moment of deepest darkness that the Light arrives. In Advent we mark this passage of the year into the time of deepest darkness, when our experience and our memory and our lives serve to remind us that the Light does, indeed, come.

Many years ago during Advent, I spent a week on a silent retreat at a monastic community in Big Sur, California. Every morning I worshipped - in the darkness of the morning - with the monks. The worship was sombre. The setting for Advent that year changed my perception of Advent forever.

In our lives, we experience many, many Advents. Advent is the time when we are uncertain about the future: when will this time of difficulty, of emotional turmoil end? When will my prayers be answered? When will there be peace? When will I know peace, so that I can become a movement of peace in the world?

Sometimes Advent is a time of longing. Such was the longing of the people of Jesus' time, who had waited generations for someone to come to save them from being political and social outcasts, oppressed people. Such is our longing when our wishes are unfulfilled, when life falls apart and we don't know how to put it back together again. Advent is a time of longing, a time of hopeful longing.

May you wait - silently and hopefully - for the Light to arrive in those dark places in your life.
Warmly,
meb

Monday, November 19, 2007

Living thanks...

This is Thanksgiving week, a favorite for many of us. Through the years I've noticed that our Thanksgiving tables are open to others more than at any other time of the year. For one day we give thanks by opening our tables to the stranger, to the one who has no where else to go, perhaps no family, perhaps no one in the world who loves them.

We know that the word for Thanksgiving is: "Give thanks." When I was growing up, Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas dinner were the only times a blessing was spoken before the meal. That was also the day we ate our meal in the dining room, so I suppose that was a reason to give thanks, too.

In my own life I have grown to understand that there is no other way to live that is more positive, more affirming, more practical and more loving than "living thanks."
Meister Eckart wrote: "If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice."

I want to learn to give thanks every day, every moment, every hour. I want to learn to give thanks for the difficult people in my life. I want to give thanks that I have eyes to see, ears to hear, a heart to love. I want to give thanks that I woke up in a warm house this morning, that I have health care, that my health is good. I want to give thanks for the gift this life of mine is.

Even when we compare ourselves to those who we see as less fortunate than ourselves, we are not in a thanksgiving place. Learn to give thanks by how you live, as well as in your attitude. Learn to give thanks by giving generously, in time, love, money, and every thing.

Have a living Thanksgiving!
meb

Saturday, November 10, 2007

How to detach...

Detachment is a spiritual value that we want to cultivate. Detachment does not mean being un-loving. In fact, detachment is the ability to love: detachment allows the space for another person, or even for ourselves, to be who we truly are meant to be in this moment, in any moment.

How do I detach? True detachment means detachment - "un-attaching" - from the thoughts in your own mind! Most of us have come to value our thoughts, our opinions, our reactions over anything else. Notice this as you go through the day. What is your reaction - your own thoughts and feelings - to whatever or whoever comes into your path? Your choices are undoubtedly based on what you think about the events or persons you encounter. If you move quickly, you are being ruled by your own thoughts, your own judgments. The world is pretty small in there!

Don't believe everything you think! When we are "attached" to whatever we think, then we can be swayed, this way and that, by whatever we are telling ourselves. When we are "detached," we can begin to choose our responses to any situation or person.

Try this: sit for a few moments and notice yourself, whole, as you truly are. Feel yourself sitting on the chair. Be aware of your senses: what do you feel, what do you hear, what do you see, what do you smell? Then, be aware of your mind. What is your mind, what are your thoughts saying right now?

Most of the time when I decide to sit for a few moments, my mind goes into high gear, and I begin to think about all the things I could be doing if I just got out of the chair! I've learned that my mind always has something it would like me to do!

As you practice "watching" your thoughts, seeing them for what they are, simply thoughts, you will begin, mysteriously, to detach. You will begin to slow down to look at your thoughts and to decide from one moment to the next which thoughts you will act upon. You may find you get angry less often, once you "discover" the thought that brings you to anger. You may find that you are more patient with yourself and others.
That's love.
Warmly,
meb

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Fourfold Way: Don't Be Attached to the Outcome

This takes practice: show up, pay attention, tell the truth, and don't be attached to the outcome.

When you do show up, when you pay attention and speak when it is the time for you to speak, and when you speak and tell the truth - simply, clearly, in a few short words - don't be attached to the outcome.

In other words, tell your truth and know that is all you have to do and to say. In other words, tell your truth and trust that your part has been given, and all is well.

Surrender your truth to the future, to the person to whom you've entrusted your truth. Surrender your truth to God, to the Universe, to all that is.

When you have paid attention and told the truth, it gets easier to not be attached to the outcome. You can be free to turn and walk away, knowing you have done as much as you could. In fact, you have given a lot of yourself when you have cared enough to show up, to pay attention, and to tell the truth.

When you have lived fully into that moment, you will move fully into the next, giving yourself and others the gift of your complete presence and your caring ability to tell the truth.

This takes practice. Like most of us, you get to practice for a lifetime!
Warmly,
meb

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Fourfold Way: Tell the Truth

"... but I always tell the truth," you say. Really? Has there ever been a time when you've told "a little white lie?" Has there ever been a time when you've told your boss what you thought your boss wanted to hear? Has there ever been a time when you've skirted an issue - or used a euphemism - rather than speak the truth, directly, simply, clearly? For example, a friend told me she had noticed how many people will say anything else other than the words: "dying," or "death." One day I visited with a woman who was clearly dying of cancer. When I asked her how she was, her sister-in-law, her primary caregiver, said with false cheeriness: "oh she's just a bit under the weather; she'll be up in a day or two."

Most of the truth-telling we have to do does not center around death, although it might for some of us at this time. Most of the truth-telling we have to do centers around our own feelings. First of all, we have to show up and pay attention, as I've written in the past several days. Most of all, we have to show up, pay attention, and tell the truth about our OWN reality, which includes our own feelings and perceptions of any given situation. What is true for you may very well not be true for someone else. You have your own reality, you are entitled to your own reality - and by the same token, every other person has their own reality and is entitled to their own reality.

There is space for your truth in the world, but it is up to you to take the space for your own truth. By telling the truth, you learn whether or not there is space for your truth. That's a lot to learn. When you show up, pay attention, and tell the truth, you may begin to notice there are people and situations that don't want your truth, your perceptions. Is there room for you there? Do you want to stay, knowing there is no room for you, or not?

Telling the truth takes time. In a high-speed culture such as ours, we have to begin to set our own pace if we are going to take the time to tell the truth. I once spoke to a man who took the time to be clear about his own truth before he spoke. As I spoke, he would listen carefully to me. Then there was silence. Sometimes I got frustrated with the long silences between my speaking and his. When I asked him about the silences, he said that when I spoke, he listened. Then he had to think about what I had said. Then he had to consider his response. Only then was he willing to speak.

Show up, pay attention, tell the truth...
Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Fourfold Way: Pay Attention

"Pay Attention!" Sounds like something our kindergarten teacher said to the class, usually out of frustration. In the Fourfold Way, however, "pay attention" is an invitation to be present to the moment, to the situation, the the environment, to the relationship you are in - NOW - this present moment.

We know that there is no other moment than this present moment. But we seldom live in the present moment. Our bodies may be here, now, but our minds may be in the past, ruminating over some grievance, or even remembering a happy time. Our bodies may be here, now, but our minds may be thinking about what we have to do next, who we have to call, what we have left undone today. "Pay attention" invites us, instead, to be present in our fullness: body, mind, spirit, attention. "Pay attention" invites us to be aware of ourselves and our surroundings.

Practice for a moment now. Take your eyes off the computer screen and place your hands in your lap. Breathe. Notice your breathe, moving in and out, without any action on your part, in your body. Feel your bottom sitting on the chair. Sense yourself as a whole person. Breathe.

When you are with someone else and you "pay attention" to them, to the present moment, to what is happening now, you are offering a great gift. When you "pay attention," you can listen to what is being said and you can take the time to respond, instead of react. When you "pay attention," you can notice the tone of voice - hear the tremble, hear the anger, hear the fear - instead of noticing only the words being spoken. When you "pay attention," you may get a sense of what is really happening, beyond your notions of what "should" be happening or what "could" be happening.

Show up. Pay attention.

Warmly,
meb

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Fourfold Way: Show Up

For the next couple of days, I will write about the Fourfold Way in the Native American tradition. Of course, this is through the lens of my interpretation and understanding. Bear with me.

We all need a "compass," a way which shows us direction in how to live. That's what the spiritual life is about: the spiritual life provides a "compass," a path to move in matters of the world. The "compass" of the spiritual life, whatever tradition you embrace, offers very practical guidance to help you to be the human being you are meant to be.

The Fourfold Way is a "compass." It's a simple way to guage how to proceed in every day, in every activity, in every relationship.

1. Show Up.
I don't know about you, but sometimes I only pretend to show up. At those times, I'm focused on what I have to do after I leave this place, or I'm worrying about a conversation I had earlier. Sometimes I don't even show up at all. You might have been expecting me, but I"m not there.
As I grow older, I learn about how important it is to show up. It's important for me to show up for a friend's party, for example, or to show up when a friend loses their partner or their parent. It's important to show up - and even to offer assistance - when someone in my circle of relationships is having a hard time. When I show up, I can decide how I want to help, or I can take a look to see what help is needed.
But I can't do any of those things unless I show up.
I want to be able to "show up" more often in my life as I get older. That means that when I arrive at your door, I want to be able to look you in the eye and be present - without baggage or agenda.
This is a simple thing, isn't it?

Show Up.

Warmly,
meb

Sunday, October 14, 2007

On being confused...

Sometimes it's ok to be confused. It really is! Probably you're like me, and like most of us. When we are confused, we start looking for an answer to our confusion. Maybe this is why I'm confused... Oh, I know, this is the answer! We do something to mask our confusion; sometimes what we choose to do is helpful, and sometimes it's not.

Through the years, I've tried something in meetings when ideas or issues are not getting clarified. I wait until there's a break in the discussion, and then I'll say: "I'm confused - " and I put the unclear point into words. Something always happens quickly: someone jumps into the discussion with the answer to my confusion! Since we all have our own take on things - not necessarily the only take on things, but OUR take on things - the answers to my confusion often do not agree. That doesn't matter, however; what matters is that someone - anyone - has found the answer to expressed confusion! Try it sometime.

Sometimes in our lives, we can be confused for a long, long time. It's not easy to stay confused when there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. We may force a solution to a problem relationship, to building tension, to a time of boredom. When we're confused, we simply don't want to stay with the confusion long enough for it to clarify itself.

In a sense, there can be a mystery to a time of confusion. Maybe something new is waiting to be born in you. Maybe things are adjusting to a deeper level in a relationship, and it's time to stay with it, through this confusing time, until things sort themselves out differently.

Our need to solve every confusing detail is related to our need to control. How about a little confusion for the time being???
Warmly,
meb

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Surrender -

The word "surrender" has a bad connotation in our understanding, in most cases. We think that to surrender means to give up. We think that to surrender means we lose, they win. Another way to understand surrender, however, in terms that are important and freeing for our lives is to "let go" of not accepting what is.

In other words, get real! Or, be free! Who doesn't want to be free?

When you choose to surrender, you choose to accept what is happening - or not happening - in your life for what it is. When you choose to surrender, you choose to accept life on life's terms - not on what you wish it would or could be, if only things were different.

When we do not surrender, we use a lot of our energy fighting - yes, actually fighting - to make things line up with the way we think they SHOULD be. For example, when you do not accept that your partner likes to get loud and obnoxious sometimes, and that nothing you can do can change that, you will probably spend a lot of your time and energy trying to get your partner to change. (An aside: trying to change someone else is another whole topic!).

When we choose to surrender to what is, or to accept what is, we can begin to choose our most honest and freeing response to what is. For example, once you surrender to the fact that your partner actually likes to get loud and obnoxious (in your opinion) sometimes, you can decide how YOU will handle that situation. Once you've accepted that fact, you can stop putting your energy into trying to change someone else, and be free to decide how you will respond to the situation next time. You won't be banging your head on a hard wall anymore!

I'm sorry that "surrender" has taken such a bad rap in our culture. To me, "surrendering to what is" is the most freeing possibility that life offers. I have experienced the absolute freedom and clarity that comes when I surrender. Surrendering to what is does not mean doing nothing; surrendering to what is does mean that I have accepted reality - on its terms - and I am free to respond (instead of to react) in the way that is most life-giving for me.

Whew!
Warmly,
meb

Friday, October 12, 2007

Running on empty...

Maybe you're one of those people who fills your gas tank when you get down to 1/4 of a tank. I'm not. The little red light always comes on in my car before I even begin to think about getting a full tank. That means I've run out of gas a couple of times in the course of a lifetime. Not a pleasant experience, but a reality of running on empty.

We're led to believe that we can run on empty in our lives, too. Why not say yes to another committee, to another job, to taking care of your neighbor's kids for a few hours, to running the fund-raiser someone has to run? Why not? Or maybe: why?

The truth is, none of us is able to run on empty. We may think we have an endless supply of energy, of time, of ideas, of motivation. But without sustinance, we're still going to be running on empty.

The image of each of us as a beautiful pitcher has long been an image I like to hold in my mind. Picture it for yourself. When the pitcher is full, the water overflows. When the pitcher is empty, the bottom gets dry, and there's nothing to pour. We are like that beautiful pitcher. When the pitcher is full, we have something to give, to ourselves and to others. When the pitcher is empty, when the bottom is dry, we have nothing to give. We have to learn the difference, each one of us for ourselves. We have to learn to guage - like the guage in my car - when the pitcher is beginning to run dry. We have to learn to fill the pitcher before it runs dry.

You can fill your mind with many things, but that's not the water for the pitcher. You can run 10 miles a day, but that's not water for the pitcher. You can go to lots of classes, and you can always find the right answer, but that's not water for the pitcher.

Water for the beautiful pitcher is water that really nourishes you. Like a nice soak in a bubble bath, your favorite music on in the house. Or a long walk with no destination. Or reading - for the 100th time - your favorite poem. Or spending an afternoon doing nothing - or simply poking around, doing things but accomplishing nothing. Or singing your favorite songs to yourself. Or praying. Or sitting, looking at the trees outside your window.

We are led to believe that we can run on empty. But we are human, after all. We are beautiful pitchers that need to be filled, over and over again, with beauty.
Warmly,
meb

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

On the days when you have nothing to give...

Some days, we have nothing to give. That's simply the way it is. Some days, our personal resources are limited, and anything anyone else asks for has to be piled on top of a big empty hole - the hole inside of us.

On the days when you have nothing to give, be gentle with yourself. Be willing to forgive yourself easily. Say "I'm sorry," to yourself when you are too snappy with co-workers (dont' forget to say "I'm sorry," to them, too... maybe tomorrow, though!).
Say "I'm sorry" to yourself when you're too busy to be patient with your children (don't forget to say "I'm sorry," to them, too).
Say "I'm sorry" to yourself if you simply can't get to everything you want to do, on the days when you have nothing to give.

We are each entitled to days when we have nothing to give. We are merely human beings, after all - although sometimes it seems that the mountain of work before us wants us to be gods! And we are each entitled to be kind to ourselves, first of all, on those days.

Learning to be gentle and kind with oneself is a way to learn to be gentle and kind with others. Start with yourself. Being gentle and kind with yourself is probably the hardest lesson you'll ever learn. Notice that there are some times when you're just not your usual self. On those days, make sure you don't blame others. Breathe. Breathe again. Maybe some of the important things you need to do today will be better done tomorrow.

Accept your limitations. The world will be better for it!
Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

No thanks...

Often when we extend ourselves to someone else, or when we give a gift, or when we "do a favor" for someone, we expect a gift in return. That gift is usually: "thank you."

I can honestly tell you I'm not Miss Manners. Miss Manners will be perfectly happy to tell you that when you give a gift, the proper response from the receiver of the gift is "thank you."

I'm writing about another kind of giving here, though. I'm writing about the kind of giving that makes US into the best human beings we can be. The kind of giving I'm writing about is not dependent on the response we receive. It's about giving to open ourselves up to the great goodness, the great wonder, the great beauty of this good world. The kind of giving I'm writing about is another practice that can expand your life, change your life and your attitude toward life, and change the way we treat others completely.

Give because it makes YOU feel good. That's it. That's the practice. Give for yourself. Give to expand yourself. Give to feel joy. Give just because it's good for you to give. If the receiver of your gift says, "thanks!," then that's good. But that's not the purpose of the giving you're practicing.

Practice this for a day or a week or a month. What I'm suggesting is that you begin to notice your own motivations for whatever you choose to do. This is a freeing practice! As you practice, you will discover that you are not dependent on the reactions of others. You are free to choose. If you choose generosity, then the gift of generosity is your gift to yourself. If you choose to be open to another human being about what is true for you, then the gift of your open-ness is your gift to yourself.

Go ahead. Give. Enjoy.
Warmly,
meb

Monday, October 8, 2007

At the end of the day

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about "scratching the to do" list. In case you have taken that to heart - which I hope you have! - you might consider replacing it with another list. Oh well... something else to do!

Instead of having a "to do" list, which always seems to get longer even when you can scratch something off, consider having a "done" list. Every day, make a list of your accomplishments. In our culture, we are often valued for our accomplishments, to the point that who we are is devalued. And who we are is our real gift to the world.

But I digress. Sometimes just what we need is to realize for ourselves, not for anyone else, that at the end of the day, we have accomplished a TREMENDOUS amount. It's your list, so what goes on the list, at the end of the day, is yours to decide. My guess is that the "done" list will be much, much longer than the "to do" list. You'll have to decide that for yourself.

For example, if you begin your "done" list at the point you arrived at your office, then you have probably started to record your accomplishments too late in the day. That would be especially true if you were the first in the family to get up, that you were the one who made coffee and went outside to get the paper, that you fed the cat, that you watered the houseplants and cleaned out the dishwasher, took a shower, then made sure everyone else in the house was out of bed, that you set the table for breakfast, cleared the table, got dressed and made sure everyone else was (appropriately) dressed for the day, that you drove the rest of the family to their bus stops, and then found a parking place for your car before you bought your ticket and got on the train, where you read about 10 pages of the novel you carry with you for times like this. (I'm sorry if I have not included enough items in this list of accomplishments.

You get the idea. At the end of the day, give yourself credit for what you have accomplished. The rest of the list will still be there tomorrow, so have a restful night's sleep!

Warmly,
meb

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Listen to your body

When you are confused, when you have a big decision to make, when you are uncertain about why things are going as they are, put away your lists, stop thinking (!) for a few moments, and listen. Listen to your body.

Try this: Sit quietly, and take a few moments to notice your breathing. You don't have to breathe in any particular way: pay attention. When you are ready, "drop your awareness" into your body. Allow your awareness to take the lead here; allow your awareness to go to that place in your body that is calling to you at this moment.

When your body has called you and your awareness is in that place, hold that place with loving awareness. Hold that place in your body in your awareness as if you were holding a newborn infant. Even if the place to which your awareness has been called is in pain, don't try to change it. Simply hold it in loving awareness. Stay here now...

After a time, you may notice a "shift," or "movement." After a time, nothing may change. Simply notice what happens. An image or a thought may come into your mind. Notice that image or thought. Continue to hold your body place in loving awareness. Another part of your body may call for your awareness... move to that place.

Your body has a story. By "focusing" in this way, you are listening for the story to unfold. Listen to your body's story as if you were listening to the important story of a child, or a great teacher. Your awareness will lead you to do this.

When you are ready, tell your body that you are thankful for what it has shared at this time. You will return again, to learn more of the story.

*If you want to read more about this way of listening to your body, you might want to find the book, "Focusing," by Eugene Gendlin.

Warmly,
meb

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Stepping Back

How often do you step back from something you are pondering, from a practical problem that needs to be solved, from an argument? Stepping back is a way, a method, a technique that invites you to access your creative self - your true self - to learn what you need for the situation at hand.

Stepping back takes practice. For many of us, stepping back does not come naturally - or even easily! - but when we practice stepping back, we will be amazed at the results.

Sometimes we do step back, without meaning to do so. For example, we may fuss and fuss over a problem at work all day, go home tired and crabby, and then not be able to sleep. Maybe we doze for a few minutes at about 2 A.M. Then! The next step, or the resolution pops into our mind, and we put our head back on the pillow and sleep peacefully for the rest of the night! You get it! The story line might not be the same, but most of us have experienced those moments of "enlightenment."

Einstein wrote that he got his best ideas while shaving! Now, that's stepping back, because when he was shaving, he had to be focused on what he was doing!!!

Practice stepping back in the simplest of ways. When someone moves in front of you in a crowded grocery line - step back.
When you're quickly walking on a busy street and someone darts right in front of you - step back. When you begin an argument - again - with that difficult co-worker, step back.

Try it! Let me know what happens!
Warmly,
meb

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Drop into now...

It's easy for us, I know, to be present in this moment when this moment is filled with happiness, and laughter, and the things we label as "good." It's a lot harder to be present in this moment when this moment is a moment of sadness, grief, or anxiety.

Life is constantly changing. Our emotions are constantly changing, as well. Writer Parker Palmer tells of his experience of Outward Bound. In Outward Bound he was expected to confront whatever obstacles were present in his environment. Through this experience, he would gain confidence and new learning about himself.

One of the tasks he was given was to have a slim rope tied around his waist as he was dropped over the edge of a cliff. At first he clung to the cliff, and as he did so, he dropped awkwardly onto the ledge below him, almost falling off the edge. At the top of the cliff, his instructor kept yelling down to Palmer to fall into the abyss, instead. To do so, he would have to trust his bearings on the side of the cliff, trust the weight of his body to be held, trust his feet to make their way down the side as surely as he would make his way on a city street. At first, this seemed unimaginable. Finally, having run out of options, Palmer dropped into his full weight, and trusted himself to "walk down" the cliff. It worked! He did it!

Every day we are also confronted with obstacles and opportunities to learn to trust ourselves. Our most common approach is to run from many of these opportunities. In Palmer's situation, that didn't work. He had nowhere to run! The truth is, neither do we! The obstacles and the uncomfortable parts of ourselves that we confront remain, whether we run or not. From the time we are children, most of us have learned to run away from the difficult feelings inside of us. When we attempt to do that, they remain, like the abyss below us.

Today, practice "dropping into" whatever emotion, experience, or situation you confront. Notice what happens. This is your practice for today.

Warmly,
meb

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Enjoy!

For many years, when my mother would send me a gift for my birthday or Christmas, on the note she attached with the gift, she would write: "Enjoy!"

As time has gone by, I've learned that when I am present in my life, when I take a moment to look at what is around me, when I slow down enough to see, actually see, what surrounds me in every moment, I can "enjoy!" And life for those moments is wonderful!

"Joy" - a noun - and "enjoy" - a verb - point to spiritual realities. And these spiritual realities are always present. When you're moving fast, running to catch the train, thinking about what you have to do today, worried about your child in school, planning what you're going to make for dinner tonight, ruminating on what you want that you don't have in your life, then you are not present to the spiritual realities of beauty and light and goodness and joy around you.

To experience joy takes practice. To experience joy takes conscious effort. To experience joy takes discipline, and sometimes work - although not the kind of work we are accustomed to doing. To experience joy takes setting aside the important - and our concerns are very important - concerns of the day for a few moments, on a regular basis, so that we get the "feel" of joy.

Right now... yes! now!!! Look up from your computer into your environment. Breathe. What do you see? What is beautiful to you?

Enjoy!
Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

When you're changing...

Sometimes we get to choose to make changes in our lives. Sometimes - of course - life simply changes, and we have to adjust. But sometimes we get to choose to make changes.

Even when we choose to make changes in ourselves, how we live, how we react to others, how we communicate, how we take care of ourselves, change can be difficult. How can you continue to move forward when things aren't going as smoothly as you had hoped?

Take an inventory of what is going well as you change! What do you already have "under your belt?" What is going well? Even if today hasn't been a day when things have gone well, what things have gone well? Make a list. Think about the list. How did you feel when things went well, when you spoke up for yourself, when you were able to change your eating habits for a day or two, when you made a decision easily? Give yourself credit for the change you've already made, even if it hasn't gone perfectly.

Don't give up! When we are in the process of change, of course we have a tendency to go back to old habits and ways of behaving. Of course!!! "There I go again!" Think of a way your changes are working, and then move forward.

Build on what you've accomplished, and look for things to get easier and easier for you as you change.
Warmly,
meb

Monday, October 1, 2007

Changing Seasons

I grew up in the Midwest of the United States, where the seasons were clearly defined. Summer and autumn were precious.

After moving to the West Coast over 25 years ago, it took several years before I could see the 4 seasons of each year. Although not as vivid as in the Midwest, the 4 seasons come and go, with subtlety and beauty.

These are the days of autumn. Here in Northern California, autumn days are often sunnier and hotter than summer days, which can be foggy until mid-afternoon. Sometime at the end of August, though, summer days give over to the heat of the autumn.

Our lives have seasons, too. Sometimes the seasons are clearly marked: a child goes off to college, we greet a new grandchild, or we lose a life partner. Sometimes the seasons do not change with clarity: slowly we see lines forming on our faces, and one day, looking into the mirror, we see wrinkles that remind us of our parents' and grandparents' faces.

What season of your life is this? Some seasons of life are quiet, some are filled with busy, important tasks and never-ending lists, some seasons are marked by sorrow, some by joy.

Spend some time today reflecting on this season of your life. Give thanks.

Warmly,
meb

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Turn, turn, turn...

Sometimes what we really need to do in life is to turn around, to take a good look at ourselves from a different perspective, a different angle. Is it time for you to turn around?

When you find yourself doing the same thing over and over, repeating the same mistakes over and over, it's time to turn around. When you find yourself in the same argument with your partner or your boss, for the 100th time, it's time to turn around. When you find yourself dating the same kind of person, in the same kind of job situation, or with the same kind of roommate, again and again, it's probably time to turn around. When the coping skills that used to work don't work for you any longer, it's time to turn around.

When you keep doing the same things over and over, and you aren't any happier than you were before, it's time to turn around. Something needs to be looked at, carefully and with love.

You might need help when it's time to turn around. Maybe you need a therapist, or a spiritual director, or a good friend who can really listen, who won't try to change you or offer advice, but who can help you to see yourself. Usually the best listener is someone who will listen and tell you what they've heard you say, without analyzing or trying to change you.

Is it time to turn around?
Warmly,
meb

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Giving back

One of the great joys in life is to be able to give... and to give... and to give.
In our culture, where "having more" is the highest value, to give to others is still one of best things you can do for your life.

I know how it is. We want more, more, more. No matter how much "more" we have or how much "more" we accumulate, however, we don't seem to get any happier. For many of us, the more we have, the more work we have to do to take care of it! And the more stressed out we get! I'm sure every one of you knows the cycle of having more.

To give, to give back to the community from where we came, to give to someone else without considering whether or not they deserve it, but simply because it is good for US to give, is one of most wonderful ways to live.

I haven't mastered it, and I don't hold myself out as the best example of "giving back." I can, however, tell you that when I have given, the rewards, the joy, the satisfaction I have received have far surpassed anything else I have experienced.

How you decide to give back is up to you. To whom you decide to give back is up to you. What you decided to give back is up to you. However much you have - or don't have - you can give away something in kindness, in gentleness, in time, in a smile.
Once you learn the art of "giving back," you will see more and more opportunities to give back...

Your joy will grow and grow!

Warmly,
meb

Friday, September 28, 2007

Pray for your enemies

Most of us have someone in our lives who causes us trouble. Maybe it's a neighbor we can't seem to get along with. Maybe it's a boss, or a co-worker who makes our work life miserable. Maybe it's a child with whom we are locking horns, all the time. Maybe it's our partner or spouse... The list goes on. You get the idea.

Here's a novel thought: pray for the person who's causing you to lose sleep, making your days miserable, taking too much of your thinking time and your energy.

Everyone in our lives is a reflection of ourselves, ultimately. When we pray for our "enemy," we are praying for a part of ourselves. Even though we might want to manipulate, harm, or get this person out of our lives, when we pray for them, we are seeking to help them and to help ourselves.

All you have to do is to pray for your "enemy." Simply ask God, or your Higher Power, or the Universe to bring light and love into their lives. You don't have to ask for anything more specific than that.

Pray for your "enemy" for 21 days, or a month. See what happens - to you, and to them!

Warmly,
meb

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Things left unsaid...

I think that we do not honor, or speak enough about grief in our fast-paced, outward-focused culture. Part of being human is to have to let go of someone we love. We will each suffer loss during our life-time; no home will be left untouched by the death of a loved one.

Sometimes, through the great work of hospice and spiritual guides, we are able to say good-bye to someone we love. We feel finished, complete. We have told them we love them, we have said, "I'm sorry," for those things we regret, and we have told them we will miss their presence in our lives. Saying good-bye is very, very important, especially to those of us who will continue to grieve.

If you have something left unsaid to someone you have loved who has died, it is not too late to say those things. One way to do this is to write a letter to the one you will continue to love, who is gone. Maybe you want to place a picture of the one you have lost in front of you when you write the letter.

In your letter you can share your feelings, your sadness, as well as your love, the left-over resentments and anger you may have, and your thanks for all this one means to you. Take your time when you write the letter. Think about it for a time before you sit down to write the letter. If you can, write the letter in long-hand, as if you were writing to send a letter to a loved one in the mail.

If you have a place to take the letter, take it there. Maybe you want to go to the grave to write the letter, or to leave it there. Maybe there is a book that holds special meaning for you. Place the letter there.

Many before you have experienced some peace during a time of mourning by saying good-bye in this way.

Warmly,
meb

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Scratching the "to do" list

I usually have a "to do" list on my desk. Not always, but usually.

Sometimes, it's good to not have a "to do" list. Believe it or not, many of the real events of life have nothing to do with our "do-ing" or not. Running the world is not dependent on us! The world goes on with or without our intervention!

If you can, scratch your "to do" list for an hour, for two hours, for part of a day. If you don't have the luxury - it is a luxury to let go of your need "to do" something every moment - of an hour or two, or part of a day - then scratch your "to do" list for 15 minutes. Can you stand it?

Our "do-ing" is really about our need to control. Some of us - most of us! - get a lot of ego strokes by getting affirmed by what we "do." We begin to think that nothing will happen, that no one will be able to function without our doing something or everything.

Scratching the "to do" list is a spiritual practice. See what happens when you scratch the "to do" list for a few minutes. How do you feel? What do you tell yourself?

When we scratch the "to do" list, something amazing happens: life goes on!

Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Saying "yes!"

Each one of us has to learn to say "yes" to those activities, thoughts, and dreams that give us energy, life, a sparkle in our eyes and a lift in our step. Are you learning to say "yes!" to life?

Like most spiritual learning, saying "yes" to those things that enhance our own life and the lives of others takes practice. Most of what we have been taught in order to live in the world is not a "yes!" to life.

How do we begin? We begin by learning what it is that gives us joy, that enhances our breathing, that makes us feel good about ourselves.
Make a list. Make it a simple list! The list doesn't need to be long. My list, for example, includes things like: spending quality time with my cat; taking a few moments to look at the trees outside the windows of my home; leaving my desk to go for a short walk during the day; sitting on the grass; calling a friend who makes me laugh; writing my "gratitude list" at the end of the day.
Next, make sure you practice one, two, or three of the things on your list, every single day.

Say "yes!" to these things, and each time you do, you will expand the "yes!" in your life a bit more. When you say yes to these things, you grow into who you really are.

"Yes!"

Warmly,
meb

Monday, September 24, 2007

Thanks, hand!

Have you ever thought about how much your hands have done for you? Or your feet? Or your stomach? Your legs? Your back, your shoulder, your thigh?

Maybe it doesn't seem very "spiritual" to think about your body. For many of us, taking our body into account is only about keeping our weight down or making sure we exercise, or not. Your body, however, is holy. Your body is part of your whole-ness, of the entirety of who you are in creation.

Since your body is holy, it's ok to talk to your body! Your body will listen. "Thanks, feet, for the many, many, many miles you have carried me. I know you're tired right now, and I am so grateful for all the wonderful places you have carried me. I'm grateful for the way you feel when we go into the ocean. Thanks!"

Or to your sore shoulder: "What are you trying to tell me, dear shoulder? I know you're sore, and I know you've been working hard. What are you saying?"

Where is your body troubled now? Talk to that part. Remember to thank your body, too. Ask it questions. Don't be afraid: this is another part of yourself, your whole self, after all.

Try it. You might like it - and you might even learn something!

Warmly,
meb

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Small Steps

How often has someone wanted to inspire you by saying: "Think big!" ???

Thinking big is how we like to think in our culture. Homes, fast food servings, travel trailers, businesses, churches... all seem to grow bigger as time passes.

Maybe it is time for you to "think big" in your life. If that's the case, then by all means, think big! But as you put your life plans into place, remember that you have to take small steps to get wherever it is you're going.

You've probably heard the story of the blind man who was asked how he climbed to the top of Machu Pichu. He answered: "one step at a time."

Sometimes in our desire to have more, to be more, to change more, or to think big, we can forget that whatever we do, we do in steps. Some of those steps can be small steps. In fact, some of the steps have to be small steps. If we want to learn to react in a different way to a difficult situation at work, for example, we may have to take small steps, one at a time, to change our reaction. We might have to give ourselves a break when we don't do it perfectly. We might have to start over, again and again.

Whatever challenges you are facing in your life right now, you have the power to face those challenges. Looking at the big picture, your personal challenges may seem insurmountable. They are not, however, if you take on the challenges with small steps.

Warmly,
meb

Friday, September 21, 2007

A favorite place...

I hope you have a favorite place that is all your own. Your favorite place doesn't have to be big. It can be a chair or a cushion. It needs to be your favorite place, however.

One of my favorite places (I am privileged at this time in my life to have several!) is the chair across from the window in my living room. This is one of my favorite places to sit because I look out to the birch tree right outside the window, and across the street, rising up behind the houses, are three huge beautiful trees that sway in the wind almost all the time. I like to think the birch tree is as happy to see me as I am to see it. In fact, I'm sure it is!

Maybe as a mother with small children and a spouse, it seems as if no place in the house is really yours. If that is true for you, you will have to be creative when you choose your favorite place. There might not be a place that is yours only. Even my chair is that way; sometimes someone else sits in my chair. But that place to sit is still one of my favorite places.

I read about a woman who made a closet into her office. Since her office has no windows, she has put a poster on one wall that is a picture of a beautiful outside scene. Her office, 7x7 feet, has now become the place to which she retreats when she simply needs to be alone for awhile. It's her favorite place.

Look around today. Maybe you're lucky and you already know your favorite place. If you do, think about your favorite place right now. When you're not happy, or when you're stressed, bring to mind your favorite place.

Look around. If you don't think you have a favorite place, you may discover that you do. There is someplace that holds special security and beauty for you.

Here's to your favorite place!
Warmly,
meb

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Saying "no"

For many of us, saying "no" to someone or something is itself spiritual practice.
Maybe you learned as a child that it was not all right for you to say: "no!" when someone or something violated your limits.

Learning to say "no" is a way to set our boundaries. When we say "no" to someone, we are saying: "this is not for me, now." Boundaries do not isolate us; boundaries make us more loving than we have been before. It is by saying "no" that we begin to learn when we want to say "yes!"

How many times a day/week do you say "yes" to someone else's request, out of obligation, guilt, or just plain inability to say "no"? For a week, keep a stroke list of the times you say "yes" when a nagging feeling inside of you is saying: "listen to me: I don't want to do/say/act/think in this way. I want to say, NO!, not yes!"

When you begin to notice your own feelings and desires, you can also notice the messages you give yourself. For example, maybe you think that you are the only person who can do something right. So you take on more than you can handle because you don't trust someone else to do things their way! Another example, maybe when someone asks you to do one more thing, you think they'll think less of you if you say no. So you say yes, anyway, not really wanting to fulfill the request. Sometimes when you do that, you end up not doing what you said you'd do. Then, you're not being true to your own word!

Experiment with small things. When someone requests something of you, take a moment to think and feel before you respond. Say "yes" if you mean "yes," say "no" if you mean "no." Good friends and good partners might not like it at first - its new behavior after all - but if they are good friends and good partners, they will respect your new-found trust in yourself.

Warmly,
meb

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Soft eyes

We all know that we can tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyes. One person's eyes may be filled with need, another with hurt, another with a light, another person's eyes may look dead to another human being. Look carefully at the eyes of people over the next few days, and see what it is you see in another's eyes.

I hope all of your eyes are alive as you read this! Alive eyes are filled with light!

In the Buddhist tradition, one is invited to soften one's eyes as one gazes at another person. What a different world this would be if all of its inhabitants looked at one another with "soft eyes."

Make this your spiritual practice. Look at your life, look at your world, look at your children, look at your partner, look at your friends, look at the homeless people on the street with "soft eyes." Look at your neighbor, look at the person you do not like, look at passersby as you hurry to your office with "soft eyes."

What do your "soft eyes" feel like? What does having "soft eyes" for a day do for your life? What does having "soft eyes" do for your attitude?

And when you look into the mirror at your own reflection, look with "soft eyes."

Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

When all else fails, breathe...

It seems so simple. Breathe. "But...!" you say: "I'm already breathing, or I wouldn't be here!!"
It's true.

It is also true that most of us are so busy or so preoccupied or so involved in making our lives work the way we have them set up, that we are not aware of who or what we are really about.

So: breathe.

Over the years, I've asked many groups to whom I've spoken to "breathe." In the moments following, I can see their faces soften and their chests rise, silently but in unison, to breathe. Breathe.

When you're stuck in traffic, breathe. When you're ready to yell at your kids, breathe. When you're rushing around your office, trying to do ten things at one time, breathe. When you have to wait in line at the post office and you don't have the time to spare, breathe. When all you can seem to do is to worry, breathe.

You can learn all sorts of special breathing techniques, if you'd like. For example, Dr. Andrew Weil, world-renowned wellness expert, suggests this way of breathing: breathe in to the count of 4; hold your breathe to the count of 7; breathe out to the count of 8.

I sometimes use Dr. Weil's way of breathing, when I have to wait to see the dentist, for example.

But being aware of your breath is easier than that. All you have to do is to notice. So... go ahead - breathe!

Warmly,
meb

Monday, September 17, 2007

Making friends with sorrow...

For many of us, time goes by so quickly and we don't have the minutes or the hours to really be present to our lives. One of the ways to be present is to honor, or to really feel, or to make friends with our feelings, whatever those feelings might be.

We "run away" from our feelings when we ignore them; we run away from our feelings when we discount our feelings in our decision-making; we run away from our feelings when we are unwilling to share our feelings with friends or partners; we run away from our feelings when we use food or alcohol or work or partying or _____ (fill in the blank) to distract us from our feelings. We know we have run away from our feelings when we totally confuse ourselves about our actions, our choices, or our abilities. Running away from feelings is simply another way to be controlled by feelings.

Make friends with your feelings. Whatever feeling comes, be grateful. Be grateful for depression, sadness, anger, rage, anxiety, sorrow. Since they have come, get to know them. While your feelings are here, find out what they have to teach you. Ask them questions. Listen for their answers. Give them a glass of water, and as you hand them the glass, look deep into their eyes to see what wisdom your feelings hold.

Make friends with sorrow, rage, anger, sadness and anxiety, and they will no longer control you. They will be your teachers.

What wonderful teachers you have!
Warmly,
meb

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Retreat

"To retreat," or to take a step back, seems to have bad press in our culture. It's not popular to take a step back in an argument, for example. It's not popular to put on the brakes and let the car trying to edge into your lane nudge into your lane! It's not popular to take a few moments to decide what you want when you're in line at fast food restaurant; make up your mind, fast! so you don't hold anyone else up! It's not popular to stand and count your change in line at the drug store. It's not popular to use the few moments you have to wait in line somewhere to close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and savor the moment.

Nope! None of these examples is popular.

To retreat, or to take a step back, is one kind of spiritual practice. Spiritual practice gives us an opportunity to try a different way to live. You don't have to do spiritual practice perfectly. Not at all; on the contrary, spiritual practice is, simply, practice. You get to practice and fail, and then you get to practice again.

This week, practice retreat. Don't even think about it if a second car cuts in line in front of you after the first one. Don't think about it when the line of traffic doesn't give way to you! It's not about THEM, it's about you, and you're practicing!

Enjoy!
Warmly,
meb

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Give yourself a gift: forgive

Let's be honest: we all harbor resentments, hurts from past grievances, anger at someone we haven't spoken to for years. Many of us either don't want to forgive, or we don't realize how powerful forgiveness is, and how good it is for US to forgive.
Some of us have buried our resentments so deep inside that we have forgotten how our unwillingness to forgive is harming us in our lives.

Forgiveness, I think, has received the reputation of a nice, sentimental thing to do. Good people forgive. Good people forget. Good people are nice to the people who have hurt them, and they let them off the hook!

Forgiveness is much more real, much more powerful, and much more life-changing - and life-freeing - than the notions many of us hold of what "forgiveness" is.

Forgiveness is for you, for me, for us. Forgiveness is not about the person who has harmed us, intentionally or not. If you choose to forgive someone who has harmed you, you are letting yourself off the hook, not the other person. When you forgive another human being, you decide that what they did to harm you will no longer hurt you. That's it! You decide that what they did - intentionally or not - will no longer harm you.

You may not want to forget what someone has done to you in the past. For example, if someone you love has hit you or harmed you in some other way that leaves a lasting wound, it is important that you NOT forget what that person is capable of. You may not even want them in your life anymore. Forgiveness does not mean you trust someone who cannot be trusted with your safety, your life.

When you forgive, you let go of the "charge" you hold within you that binds you to someone else's behavior. You are set free!
When you forgive, you acknowledge your own humanity, and the humanity of the one who has hurt you.

Forgiveness takes practice.

Warmly,
meb

Friday, September 14, 2007

"I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key..." Melanie Safka

Many of us spend our lives looking for the person whose skate key will fit our roller skates. We look and we look, we roller skate past the houses of people whose skate key will fit our skates, we long and we long and we long for someone who will come along to make us whole.

Here are the facts: the roller skates and the key are both inside of you! You hold them both!

I'm not wanting to deny your loneliness or your longing. That's not the point of this post. The point is, instead, that before you find someone to fill in the missing places in yourself, or before you even go looking for someone like that, you have to find the missing places in yourself. This takes time, and it takes work, and it takes some introspection into yourself.

I know that work and family and grocery-shopping and getting the oil changed in the car and the daily commute take up most of your time. I know that. I also know that we don't get validation from anyone to do the work it takes to get to know who we are, who we really are. Don't count on validation from anyone else if you decide to spend some time with yourself, just to get to know yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back, though.

Find a few minutes every day. Make yourself a cup of tea. Put aside the book you've been reading, or the work you brought home from the office. Sit somewhere comfortable. Then, sit. Sit. Just sit. Do this every single day for awhile. How long? That's up to you. It may take awhile to get used to sitting without other plans. In fact, you might want to start out sitting for a minute or 5 minutes.

After awhile, you'll be surprised. You'll discover that it is indeed, true: the roller skates and the key are all there! You have everything you need to be happy.

Warmly,
meb

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Spirit is with you - always

Through the years, I've heard many, many life stories of people who "discovered" that they were not alone, that they had never been alone, that they were guided by the Spirit - God, Mary, Jesus, Buddha, Ba'haullah, the Mother - and that once they discovered this, their lives had changed.

I, too, have such a story in my life. Sometimes, the story line gets played out again and again, as I "re-member" that I am not alone.

It is true that in the moments of life, we are alone in a particular way. We are alone when we're born (unless we're a twin, but that only clouds the truth!), we're alone in our own particular journey, we're alone when we are going through difficult times,we are alone when we die. We may work hard to hide this truth from ourselves by surrounding ourselves with other people, people who we think will shield us from our deep loneliness.

On the other hand, we are not ever really alone. The One who has created us and who is creating us is alway with us, ready to be called upon in the darkest hours of the night, ready to be called upon as we are wheeled down the hospital hall into surgery, ready to be called upon when we are left alone with our children, our spouse taken from us too early. Whatever our need, we can call out the Name of the One who is always with us, ready to be known to us.

That One is waiting, now, for you to call out. Stop looking, now, name the One who cannot be named, and wait...

Warmly,
meb

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Take a 15-minute vacation...

Most of us don't have or don't take the time for a bit of relaxation every day. One of the best ideas I've ever heard is the "15-minute vacation." The name gives it all away, but you get the idea.

Take a 15 minute vacation from your desk at work. Walk around the block. Really notice things you haven't noticed before. Be a site-see-er on your own turf! Look at things as if you were angling for the perfect shot to take home to show your friends.
Go into a favorite store and wander around for 15 minutes. Leave without buying anything.
Spend 15 minutes browsing at your favorite book-store. Sit down on one of the store's chairs with a book of photography, and take a trip that way! Sit for a few moments and do nothing - make that 15 long moments.
Take your kids on a 15 minute vacation. Do what your kids want for 15 minutes.

Allow yourself the gift of a 15 minute vacation. You'll make your day - and maybe everyone else's!

Warmly,
meb

Monday, September 10, 2007

"Defer the lead, enjoy the ride..."

Most of us are probably pretty good at making sure things happen as we want them to happen in our lives. We are good at accomplishing what we need to accomplish - and even more than we need to accomplish - and we are good at knowing what others need to accomplish, too. We know how to lead. Especially, we know how to lead ourselves.
Or so we think. At a particularly changing time in my life, a wise friend said, at just the right moment: "Defer the lead, enjoy the ride." That bit of wisdom has served me well, many, many times.

The truth is, we are not completely in control of what happens in our own life or in someone else's life. If we think that we are completely in control, we are in denial about what life really is. Life is constantly changing; we change, others change, what seemed good yesterday doesn't seem as good today, children grow up, lovers leave or they die, the work we thought was so important suddenly becomes unimportant, to ourselves or to others. Life is constantly changing. What we do or do not do is not as important as our willingness to trust life on life's terms.

I don't know about you, but I was raised to lead. I learned how to be responsible. I learned that what I said and how I said it made a difference. At a certain age, however, life gave me a wonderful, wonderful lesson: Sometimes, no matter what I do, things just aren't going to go the way I think they should or the way I want them to go.

That's when I moved, just a bit, from the front seat of the tandem bicycle to the back seat. When I first learned to ride tandem, I got very nervous riding in back, because I couldn't control exactly where the ride would go every moment. After awhile, though, I started to notice a few things about riding in back: I didn't have to work as hard, I didn't have to be "on" every single moment, and I didn't have to be vigilant about making sure the ride was perfect.

Whew! That's when I started to enjoy the ride...

Warmly,
meb

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Saying "yes" to good, old, Ego!

Sometimes, all we can do is to admit that we just can't let go of Ego, our old friend! No matter how hard we "try," - in fact, "trying" is counter to "surrendering..." - we can't let go!!!

Maybe all we can do is to say, "yes" to our dear Ego. After all, Ego has served us well for a long, long time. From Ego, we've received a sense of self, strength in our ability to say "I like this," or "I don't like that!" It's not useful to fight with our Ego, just as it's a waste of our time, talents, and precious energy to fight with anyone else.

Say "yes," and allow God to do the rest!

Warmly,
meb

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Lead with heart...

To the ancient people of the Middle East, the heart was the center of a person. The heart was the place where body, mind, and spirit came together. "Heart" was not only a place in the body, an organ. "Heart" was wholeness.

Look around you today. In our time and culture, we "lead" with our heads. In other words, we focus our attention on what we think, on our thoughts, on our reactions. We have to be ready with a quick response, with the right words, with an answer to everything.

Instead, practice "leading with heart" for one day. When you wake up in the morning, put your hand on your heart, on the place in your body where you can feel your heart beating. Say hello! Yes, go ahead, say hello to your heart! This is a way of remembering that your "heart" is your center.

Trust me here! Your mind, your thoughts, your brilliant ideas will not go away! When you practice "leading with heart," your thinking will be joined by other friends on the journey.

As I said before, look around you today. Our communities are in desperate need of those who "lead with heart." Our young people need adults who don't only lecture them; our young people need adults who have embraced their wholeness. Our cities need people who "lead with heart" to bring new ways of doing business to the table. Your partner needs you to embrace your heart as a way to connect.

When you "lead with heart," you call the heart out of others, as well.

Start a movement: "lead with heart." Try it, and let me know what happens!

Warmly,
meb

Friday, September 7, 2007

"Slow down, you movin' too fast, you gotta make the moment last..." - Paul Simon

"Slow down!"

I've changed that life-long refrain to "...slow down..." for myself over the past couple of years. In this fast-paced time and in our fast-paced culture, we don't hear the message: "...slow down..." except when someone is yelling to us in traffic: "Slow down!" (usually accompanied by some movement of the hands, and fingers!)

"...Slow down..." has become a mantra for me over the past several years. When I slow my pace, whether it's the pace of folding laundry or answering phone calls or taking a walk or going through my in-box, I notice things more. What a joy, and what a learning experience this is!

When I "...slow down..." I actually notice the day. I notice cloud formations, or I notice the hummingbirds who swoop down to check me out when I leave my house to go to my car in the morning. I notice one new rose bloom on the rose bush by my steps. I notice the fading light at twilight, and I enjoy it for a few moments. I notice that in between the noises of the city, who I am is really silent.

When I "...slow down..." I learn other things, as well. I learn that I often have a lot of inner turmoil, hidden beneath my usually frantic pace. I learn that my fast pace is motivated most often by my own sense of urgency, instead of others' demands. I learn that there is time to look a friend in the eye and to say, "I love you," more often.

All of these things are not the way I'm "supposed" to live. I'm supposed to be productive, I'm supposed to react to every demand placed upon me, I'm supposed to get more done than anyone and I'm supposed to look busy, no matter what. "...slow down..." is actually counter-cultural.

Make this your mantra, for today: "...slow down..."

Warmly,
meb

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Getting Mad and Be-ing Spiritual

Sometimes we just plain get mad. I'm sure that's an understatement for most of us! Anger - "getting mad" - is part of being human. Real damage has been done to all of humanity by associating "being spiritual" with never "getting mad," however.
For example: have you ever heard someone being described as "a saint," because they never got mad? The part of the story you don't hear about that saint is that they suffered from depression or were passive-agressive in relationship to others, knowing no other outlet for their anger.

We all have our faults. Anger is not one of them. Anger simply is. Anger is energy. Anger is one of our feelings, a gift of being human. Anger lets us know when our boundaries have been violated.

How we treat our own anger, however, is also part of being human. Every single one of us - every single human being - is responsible for what they do with their anger. Road rage, which endangers us and every one else who is present, is not a responsible way to handle anger. War, which endangers all of human-kind, is not a responsible way to handle anger. Violence towards others - our spouse, our children, our parents, our neighborhood - is not a responsible way to handle anger.
Depression is a harmful way to handle anger, although it may be the only way we know how to handle our anger. Some of us use food or alcohol or other drugs or medications to "stuff away" our anger.

Because anger is energy, none of these approaches is a practical, productive way to use the energy of anger. Every one of them hurts either ourselves or others.

How can you learn to be responsible for your anger? I'll suggest a couple of things you can do to begin, but again, my approach is "simple, but not easy." My suggestions are only suggestions, not the whole range of possibilities. If you want to grow spiritually, you'll have to learn about how to be responsible for your anger at some point... are you ready?

1. Instead of reacting in your usual way the next time you "get mad," notice what the anger feels like. Where do you feel/sense the anger in your body?
2. When you get angry, take the opportunity to tell yourself: "this anger is mine. It belongs to me and tells me about me. No one else caused me to be angry."
3. Make friends with your anger. In other words, instead of pushing anger away, get to know your anger. Find out when it comes and when it goes, and whom it is likely to hurt: you or others.
4. Count to 10! This gives you time to think about your anger and to make a responsible decision. Then you can use your anger to make creative adjustments, when you are no longer in the heat of the moment.
5. Talk to someone you can trust about your anger. If your anger has caused you any problems in a relationship, then you need help. Get professional help - a counselor or therapist - if that's what you need.

Warmly,
meb

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Sifting Through the Rubble of Life

When there's a disaster area in the world, our hearts and minds and television screens are turned toward the people whose lives have been irrevocably changed by the event. Sometimes, we are riveted to the television screen, like people in the United States were after the events of 9/11, or in the aftermath of Katrina, a horrific look into what life is like for many, many people in the United States, even now.

We watch as relief workers sift through the rubble of floods and fire and torrential rains and tornadoes to look for what is left of people's lives there, in those dark places.

Sometimes our lives are like these scenes of disaster, too. After a death, in the throes of divorce, an illness that plagues ourselves or someone we love very much, the loss of our life's work... sometimes these events drive on and on, one after the other, until we left standing in the rubble. Where do we begin again? How do we begin again?

We begin gingerly. We reach down into the rubble, to find whatever is left of life in what once was our life. We may have to put on gloves to protect ourselves from what we will find in the rubble. It's a mess, and this mess is our life. We begin, gingerly.

We begin by getting rid of the debris, until we see what is left that we want. When we've cleared enough of the rubble away, we can begin to decide what we want to salvage, and what we want to leave behind. Some of the things we thought were important before the disaster won't be important at all, afterward.

What do you want to salvage? If today were your last day on earth, what would you choose to be part of this day? If this is the only life you have, how do you want to live your life? What do you value most? Do you have what you value in your life today, or not? You have to get down to the basics, now.

Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Surrender

Some days, it seems all I can do is to surrender.
For most of us, that's not an easy assignment! And it's remarkable that it's not easy, because "surrender" doesn't cost anything, doesn't require us to do any work, and will probably give us more than it takes away, unlike most things in life.

Surrender, letting go, trusting... simple words. "Simple, but not easy," as they say in the 12-step rooms.

Through the years of my spiritual/life journey, I've learned some tricks to help me to let go. They don't make it any easier, but they remind me that part of me wants to surrender, to accept, to trust whatever is happening - inside of me or outside of me.
One trick is what I call "The God Box." "The God Box" is an actual box - a small one, I would think, which is placed in a safe place. "A safe place" is a place where no one else is inclined to go poking around to see what is in that little box!

My God Box is on a shelf right above the beautiful, refinished secretary where I keep the bills to be paid and an adding machine, until I'm ready to pay the bills each month. No one but me looks at the shelves above the enclosure where the bills are kept (I'm about 100% sure of this).

When I have something to surrender - a feeling, a relationship, a question, a problem, a concern, a person - I write that on a piece (scrap) of paper and place it in the God Box.

Then I go back to what I was doing. Which is usually: worrying about whatever I've placed in the God Box. Only this time, I treat that issue differently. I gently remind myself that part of me has already surrendered, trusted, let go of the worry I've put in the God Box. Maybe not all of me is ready, but part of me - even a very, very small part of me - is ready to "let go."

Warmly,
meb

Monday, September 3, 2007

a leaf falls... loneliness - poem by e.e.cummings

I know loneliness. I have known loneliness since I was a child, growing up in a culture that could not nourish the artist in me.
I have known loneliness as a young adult, thinking that a partner would take my loneliness away. I know loneliness now, when it masquerades as anxiety or over-work, or wanting to please others.

My loneliness connects me in a deep way to everything in my life and in the world. I am a friend of the spider, weaving its lonely and beautiful and strong web on my steps. I am a friend of the woman in Darfur, who holds her dying baby in her arms, her eyes filled with terror and hopelessness. I am a friend of the homeless on the streets of the city. I am a friend of those who are crying in the night, alone. I am a friend of my skittish cat, Squeak, who doesn't know how to connect, to me or to other creatures. I am a friend of those who grieve.

Loneliness is not always a way for me to connect. Loneliness is a distraction. Loneliness is an excuse to be alone too much.

Still, I am grateful today for my loneliness. This morning, I woke up singing, "God's eyes are on the sparrow, and I know God watches me."

Today, I am one with all of you who are lonely.
Warmly,
meb

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Surprises are all around!

Surprises are all around us. We have to keep our eyes open, however; we have to be sure to look.
The best ways I know to "keep our eyes" open is to surrender each day to God, to the Universe, to your Higher Power, to Allah, to the Creation.
How do you do that?
1. First, you say (as you put your feet on the floor and get ready to push yourself up from bed): "this day is Your's, __________,
and I give it to you."
2. Second, you pay attention, beginning at that moment.
3. Third, you gasp with surprise and joy at every surprise. You can even tell any one else involved in the giving of the surprise about how it makes sense, given how you started your day. Or, you don't have to tell anyone - you simply have to notice!

Keep your eyes - and hearts - open!
Warmly,
meb

Saturday, September 1, 2007

"Thanks for everything..." from an ancient Chinese tale

Learning to be grateful is a process. I've been in that process for awhile now, and it has profoundly changed the way I accept people and events in my life.
About a year ago, at the suggestion of a good friend, I began to take a few moments each day to write a list of 5 things for which I am grateful. Soon after I began this practice, I noticed that my "eyes were opened!"
I've spent a lot of time in my life wrapped up in my own thoughts, my own reflections. In many ways, that's been a gift - to me, and to the world. On the other hand, it has also been my downfall. I can walk past beauty - a newly blooming rose bush, for example - for weeks before I notice.
When I began to take a few moments each day to write a list of things for which I am grateful, I began to look around me much more carefully. I've always loved beauty, but now I relish in beauty: a fragrance, the color of common things, my little black and white cat's tail held high in the air, the tree outside my window blowing in the wind and the sunlight. When I become aware of these things, I take a few moments to enjoy them as well as to notice them.
And my gratefulness is stretching, I've noticed. I have started to add to my list each day people and events in my life that aren't as enjoyable as other things: the traffic jam I got caught in yesterday afternoon, someone in my life who is difficult, the unanswered questions.
The truth is, I don't know why these difficult things are in my life. The truth is, I can be grateful I'm not living with the sound of gunshots or bombs dropping on my street. The truth is, I have plenty to eat in a world where many have nothing, not even a drop of water for a child. But this is not about comparing my difficulties to others. That's another topic, some day.

This is about me being grateful for whatever is part of my life. How can I judge whether it is "good" or "bad"? All I can really do is to accept. Gratefulness leads me to acceptance. Gratefulness leads me to love - to love someone who otherwise leaves me grumbling. Gratefulness leads me to calm, to peace.

Warmly,
meb

Friday, August 31, 2007

Apple Pie and a Full Schedule

This year, my husband and I have received nature's bounty in our yard - a Gravenstein apple tree over-flowing with beautiful apples. Last year - none; this year - more than we can even give away! I'm told that the apple pies I've been making are "the best pie I've ever tasted," by quite a few people. (Of course, that's what people always say about apple pie!).

Apple pie also signals the end of summer and the beginning of fall. As I was thinking about an image for how busy our lives are these days - and how much busier they get when September arrives, an apple pie cut into too many pieces came to mind.
I've just got apple pies on my mind, so I'll go with it...

An apple pie cut into two many pieces falls apart easily. When an apple pie is cut into too many pieces, no one piece is really big enough to enjoy. A small piece of apple pie simply doesn't last long enough. When an apple pie is cut into too many pieces, it really doesn't satisfy. And when an apple pie doesn't satisfy, we're left longing for more, more more!

The way of life most of us live in the 21st century is a lot like that apple pie. We know we could be enjoying it, but we simply don't have enough to enjoy. Not "enough" things to enjoy, but time. Sometimes so many things are going on at once that we simply don't have the time to enjoy the little piece of life we seem to have left. We begin to feel as if that piece of pie is falling apart. Where did that pie go? Where does the time go?

I know that I like to savor a piece of apple pie. That way, when I take the time to savor it, I can really enjoy it. I like to enjoy every single bite, and I like to be able to take the time to savor every single bite. I like to be able to taste the raisins and the cinnamon and nutmeg I bake along with the apples. I've learned that I can't do that if I'm rushing, or if I'm unhappy about the small piece I've been given.

Our busy lives put us into the same kind of bind. Everything looks interesting, and we know it's all good, but we just don't have enough of each piece to enjoy. When we look at our calendars - our iPhones, that is - they're already filled. No time shows up that says: "time to enjoy my life." We sigh. We know we could be watching our children grow, taking the time to talk to them, and to listen. We know that we would really enjoy some time with good friends. We could even take a day to sit and do nothing. That way, we could savor our lives! But when our calendar is filled with important meetings and dates and activities and work, when we know that the tank in the car is almost empty and we don't even have the time it takes to get it filled, and when we know that not only our own schedule but everyone else's needs to be attended to, the moments we need to sit and do nothing, to get back in touch with ourselves, will never happen. They won't.

Add September to the mix. Life is running out there ahead of us. That little piece of apple pie we had hoped to enjoy is handed over the person next to us, right before our eyes!

If one person asks me for one more thing!!!

As far as we know, this is the only life we have. The apple pie that's being passed to the other person next to you just might be the last piece of apple pie you get! The truth is, if we don't stop to simply sit and do nothing, life is passing us by, whether we want it to or like it to, or not. And if we don't stop to do nothing sometimes, if we don't stop to enjoy what our life is, then we'll surely become ill, or get angry at everyone we meet during the day, and we'll have to continue to say no to the things that really matter in our lives. Like the raisins, the cinnamon, the nutmeg... And that is a tragedy. That's a tragedy that we all take for the reality of modern life. In the tragedy we take for life, people and values and feelings and community no longer matter.

So often we say, "yes" to everything - in fact, we get affirmed for saying "yes" to everything -and in doing so, we say, "no" to the things that really matter.

Say yes to the things that matter, instead. Say yes to your good life and people and values and feelings and community!
Warmly,
meb

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Hello to all!

"What will you do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver, American poet

What will I do, indeed? What will you do with yours?
Sometimes I spend a lot of time thinking about what I "should" be doing. Or I spend days worrying about what's going to happen next. The thoughts and worries - which are also thoughts - can fill my hours and days. When I'm thinking and worrying, I'm not very present to those around me, but that's another topic.
Sometimes I want to spend all my time talking to psychics, or reading my daily horoscope, in case the answer to what I will do or "should" will be revealed.
Or I feverishly pray - calling on my spiritual partners and other friends - for signs that I can't miss to come into my life. As in: "neon signs."
When I'm done with all of these things (they are simply ways to "work on" my life), I begin to realize - slowly and painfully - that I am doing what I need to be doing in my life. I'm doing it at the right time, in the right place, at the right pace, and with all the right people.

Even now, I can breathe freely. That's what happens when I come to this point. My wild and precious life is here, now.
Warmly,
meb