Turn, turn, turn...

Sometimes what we really need to do in life is to turn around, to take a good look at ourselves from a different perspective, a different angle. Is it time for you to turn around?

When you find yourself doing the same thing over and over, repeating the same mistakes over and over, it's time to turn around. When you find yourself in the same argument with your partner or your boss, for the 100th time, it's time to turn around. When you find yourself dating the same kind of person, in the same kind of job situation, or with the same kind of roommate, again and again, it's probably time to turn around. When the coping skills that used to work don't work for you any longer, it's time to turn around.

When you keep doing the same things over and over, and you aren't any happier than you were before, it's time to turn around. Something needs to be looked at, carefully and with love.

You might need help when it's time to turn around. Maybe you need a therapist, or a spiritual director, or a good friend who can really listen, who won't try to change you or offer advice, but who can help you to see yourself. Usually the best listener is someone who will listen and tell you what they've heard you say, without analyzing or trying to change you.

Is it time to turn around?
Warmly,
meb

Giving back

One of the great joys in life is to be able to give... and to give... and to give.
In our culture, where "having more" is the highest value, to give to others is still one of best things you can do for your life.

I know how it is. We want more, more, more. No matter how much "more" we have or how much "more" we accumulate, however, we don't seem to get any happier. For many of us, the more we have, the more work we have to do to take care of it! And the more stressed out we get! I'm sure every one of you knows the cycle of having more.

To give, to give back to the community from where we came, to give to someone else without considering whether or not they deserve it, but simply because it is good for US to give, is one of most wonderful ways to live.

I haven't mastered it, and I don't hold myself out as the best example of "giving back." I can, however, tell you that when I have given, the rewards, the joy, the satisfaction I have received have far surpassed anything else I have experienced.

How you decide to give back is up to you. To whom you decide to give back is up to you. What you decided to give back is up to you. However much you have - or don't have - you can give away something in kindness, in gentleness, in time, in a smile.
Once you learn the art of "giving back," you will see more and more opportunities to give back...

Your joy will grow and grow!

Warmly,
meb

Pray for your enemies

Most of us have someone in our lives who causes us trouble. Maybe it's a neighbor we can't seem to get along with. Maybe it's a boss, or a co-worker who makes our work life miserable. Maybe it's a child with whom we are locking horns, all the time. Maybe it's our partner or spouse... The list goes on. You get the idea.

Here's a novel thought: pray for the person who's causing you to lose sleep, making your days miserable, taking too much of your thinking time and your energy.

Everyone in our lives is a reflection of ourselves, ultimately. When we pray for our "enemy," we are praying for a part of ourselves. Even though we might want to manipulate, harm, or get this person out of our lives, when we pray for them, we are seeking to help them and to help ourselves.

All you have to do is to pray for your "enemy." Simply ask God, or your Higher Power, or the Universe to bring light and love into their lives. You don't have to ask for anything more specific than that.

Pray for your "enemy" for 21 days, or a month. See what happens - to you, and to them!

Warmly,
meb

Things left unsaid...

I think that we do not honor, or speak enough about grief in our fast-paced, outward-focused culture. Part of being human is to have to let go of someone we love. We will each suffer loss during our life-time; no home will be left untouched by the death of a loved one.

Sometimes, through the great work of hospice and spiritual guides, we are able to say good-bye to someone we love. We feel finished, complete. We have told them we love them, we have said, "I'm sorry," for those things we regret, and we have told them we will miss their presence in our lives. Saying good-bye is very, very important, especially to those of us who will continue to grieve.

If you have something left unsaid to someone you have loved who has died, it is not too late to say those things. One way to do this is to write a letter to the one you will continue to love, who is gone. Maybe you want to place a picture of the one you have lost in front of you when you write the letter.

In your letter you can share your feelings, your sadness, as well as your love, the left-over resentments and anger you may have, and your thanks for all this one means to you. Take your time when you write the letter. Think about it for a time before you sit down to write the letter. If you can, write the letter in long-hand, as if you were writing to send a letter to a loved one in the mail.

If you have a place to take the letter, take it there. Maybe you want to go to the grave to write the letter, or to leave it there. Maybe there is a book that holds special meaning for you. Place the letter there.

Many before you have experienced some peace during a time of mourning by saying good-bye in this way.

Warmly,
meb

Scratching the "to do" list

I usually have a "to do" list on my desk. Not always, but usually.

Sometimes, it's good to not have a "to do" list. Believe it or not, many of the real events of life have nothing to do with our "do-ing" or not. Running the world is not dependent on us! The world goes on with or without our intervention!

If you can, scratch your "to do" list for an hour, for two hours, for part of a day. If you don't have the luxury - it is a luxury to let go of your need "to do" something every moment - of an hour or two, or part of a day - then scratch your "to do" list for 15 minutes. Can you stand it?

Our "do-ing" is really about our need to control. Some of us - most of us! - get a lot of ego strokes by getting affirmed by what we "do." We begin to think that nothing will happen, that no one will be able to function without our doing something or everything.

Scratching the "to do" list is a spiritual practice. See what happens when you scratch the "to do" list for a few minutes. How do you feel? What do you tell yourself?

When we scratch the "to do" list, something amazing happens: life goes on!

Warmly,
meb

Saying "yes!"

Each one of us has to learn to say "yes" to those activities, thoughts, and dreams that give us energy, life, a sparkle in our eyes and a lift in our step. Are you learning to say "yes!" to life?

Like most spiritual learning, saying "yes" to those things that enhance our own life and the lives of others takes practice. Most of what we have been taught in order to live in the world is not a "yes!" to life.

How do we begin? We begin by learning what it is that gives us joy, that enhances our breathing, that makes us feel good about ourselves.
Make a list. Make it a simple list! The list doesn't need to be long. My list, for example, includes things like: spending quality time with my cat; taking a few moments to look at the trees outside the windows of my home; leaving my desk to go for a short walk during the day; sitting on the grass; calling a friend who makes me laugh; writing my "gratitude list" at the end of the day.
Next, make sure you practice one, two, or three of the things on your list, every single day.

Say "yes!" to these things, and each time you do, you will expand the "yes!" in your life a bit more. When you say yes to these things, you grow into who you really are.

"Yes!"

Warmly,
meb

Thanks, hand!

Have you ever thought about how much your hands have done for you? Or your feet? Or your stomach? Your legs? Your back, your shoulder, your thigh?

Maybe it doesn't seem very "spiritual" to think about your body. For many of us, taking our body into account is only about keeping our weight down or making sure we exercise, or not. Your body, however, is holy. Your body is part of your whole-ness, of the entirety of who you are in creation.

Since your body is holy, it's ok to talk to your body! Your body will listen. "Thanks, feet, for the many, many, many miles you have carried me. I know you're tired right now, and I am so grateful for all the wonderful places you have carried me. I'm grateful for the way you feel when we go into the ocean. Thanks!"

Or to your sore shoulder: "What are you trying to tell me, dear shoulder? I know you're sore, and I know you've been working hard. What are you saying?"

Where is your body troubled now? Talk to that part. Remember to thank your body, too. Ask it questions. Don't be afraid: this is another part of yourself, your whole self, after all.

Try it. You might like it - and you might even learn something!

Warmly,
meb

Small Steps

How often has someone wanted to inspire you by saying: "Think big!" ???

Thinking big is how we like to think in our culture. Homes, fast food servings, travel trailers, businesses, churches... all seem to grow bigger as time passes.

Maybe it is time for you to "think big" in your life. If that's the case, then by all means, think big! But as you put your life plans into place, remember that you have to take small steps to get wherever it is you're going.

You've probably heard the story of the blind man who was asked how he climbed to the top of Machu Pichu. He answered: "one step at a time."

Sometimes in our desire to have more, to be more, to change more, or to think big, we can forget that whatever we do, we do in steps. Some of those steps can be small steps. In fact, some of the steps have to be small steps. If we want to learn to react in a different way to a difficult situation at work, for example, we may have to take small steps, one at a time, to change our reaction. We might have to give ourselves a break when we don't do it perfectly. We might have to start over, again and again.

Whatever challenges you are facing in your life right now, you have the power to face those challenges. Looking at the big picture, your personal challenges may seem insurmountable. They are not, however, if you take on the challenges with small steps.

Warmly,
meb

A favorite place...

I hope you have a favorite place that is all your own. Your favorite place doesn't have to be big. It can be a chair or a cushion. It needs to be your favorite place, however.

One of my favorite places (I am privileged at this time in my life to have several!) is the chair across from the window in my living room. This is one of my favorite places to sit because I look out to the birch tree right outside the window, and across the street, rising up behind the houses, are three huge beautiful trees that sway in the wind almost all the time. I like to think the birch tree is as happy to see me as I am to see it. In fact, I'm sure it is!

Maybe as a mother with small children and a spouse, it seems as if no place in the house is really yours. If that is true for you, you will have to be creative when you choose your favorite place. There might not be a place that is yours only. Even my chair is that way; sometimes someone else sits in my chair. But that place to sit is still one of my favorite places.

I read about a woman who made a closet into her office. Since her office has no windows, she has put a poster on one wall that is a picture of a beautiful outside scene. Her office, 7x7 feet, has now become the place to which she retreats when she simply needs to be alone for awhile. It's her favorite place.

Look around today. Maybe you're lucky and you already know your favorite place. If you do, think about your favorite place right now. When you're not happy, or when you're stressed, bring to mind your favorite place.

Look around. If you don't think you have a favorite place, you may discover that you do. There is someplace that holds special security and beauty for you.

Here's to your favorite place!
Warmly,
meb

Saying "no"

For many of us, saying "no" to someone or something is itself spiritual practice.
Maybe you learned as a child that it was not all right for you to say: "no!" when someone or something violated your limits.

Learning to say "no" is a way to set our boundaries. When we say "no" to someone, we are saying: "this is not for me, now." Boundaries do not isolate us; boundaries make us more loving than we have been before. It is by saying "no" that we begin to learn when we want to say "yes!"

How many times a day/week do you say "yes" to someone else's request, out of obligation, guilt, or just plain inability to say "no"? For a week, keep a stroke list of the times you say "yes" when a nagging feeling inside of you is saying: "listen to me: I don't want to do/say/act/think in this way. I want to say, NO!, not yes!"

When you begin to notice your own feelings and desires, you can also notice the messages you give yourself. For example, maybe you think that you are the only person who can do something right. So you take on more than you can handle because you don't trust someone else to do things their way! Another example, maybe when someone asks you to do one more thing, you think they'll think less of you if you say no. So you say yes, anyway, not really wanting to fulfill the request. Sometimes when you do that, you end up not doing what you said you'd do. Then, you're not being true to your own word!

Experiment with small things. When someone requests something of you, take a moment to think and feel before you respond. Say "yes" if you mean "yes," say "no" if you mean "no." Good friends and good partners might not like it at first - its new behavior after all - but if they are good friends and good partners, they will respect your new-found trust in yourself.

Warmly,
meb

Soft eyes

We all know that we can tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyes. One person's eyes may be filled with need, another with hurt, another with a light, another person's eyes may look dead to another human being. Look carefully at the eyes of people over the next few days, and see what it is you see in another's eyes.

I hope all of your eyes are alive as you read this! Alive eyes are filled with light!

In the Buddhist tradition, one is invited to soften one's eyes as one gazes at another person. What a different world this would be if all of its inhabitants looked at one another with "soft eyes."

Make this your spiritual practice. Look at your life, look at your world, look at your children, look at your partner, look at your friends, look at the homeless people on the street with "soft eyes." Look at your neighbor, look at the person you do not like, look at passersby as you hurry to your office with "soft eyes."

What do your "soft eyes" feel like? What does having "soft eyes" for a day do for your life? What does having "soft eyes" do for your attitude?

And when you look into the mirror at your own reflection, look with "soft eyes."

Warmly,
meb

When all else fails, breathe...

It seems so simple. Breathe. "But...!" you say: "I'm already breathing, or I wouldn't be here!!"
It's true.

It is also true that most of us are so busy or so preoccupied or so involved in making our lives work the way we have them set up, that we are not aware of who or what we are really about.

So: breathe.

Over the years, I've asked many groups to whom I've spoken to "breathe." In the moments following, I can see their faces soften and their chests rise, silently but in unison, to breathe. Breathe.

When you're stuck in traffic, breathe. When you're ready to yell at your kids, breathe. When you're rushing around your office, trying to do ten things at one time, breathe. When you have to wait in line at the post office and you don't have the time to spare, breathe. When all you can seem to do is to worry, breathe.

You can learn all sorts of special breathing techniques, if you'd like. For example, Dr. Andrew Weil, world-renowned wellness expert, suggests this way of breathing: breathe in to the count of 4; hold your breathe to the count of 7; breathe out to the count of 8.

I sometimes use Dr. Weil's way of breathing, when I have to wait to see the dentist, for example.

But being aware of your breath is easier than that. All you have to do is to notice. So... go ahead - breathe!

Warmly,
meb

Making friends with sorrow...

For many of us, time goes by so quickly and we don't have the minutes or the hours to really be present to our lives. One of the ways to be present is to honor, or to really feel, or to make friends with our feelings, whatever those feelings might be.

We "run away" from our feelings when we ignore them; we run away from our feelings when we discount our feelings in our decision-making; we run away from our feelings when we are unwilling to share our feelings with friends or partners; we run away from our feelings when we use food or alcohol or work or partying or _____ (fill in the blank) to distract us from our feelings. We know we have run away from our feelings when we totally confuse ourselves about our actions, our choices, or our abilities. Running away from feelings is simply another way to be controlled by feelings.

Make friends with your feelings. Whatever feeling comes, be grateful. Be grateful for depression, sadness, anger, rage, anxiety, sorrow. Since they have come, get to know them. While your feelings are here, find out what they have to teach you. Ask them questions. Listen for their answers. Give them a glass of water, and as you hand them the glass, look deep into their eyes to see what wisdom your feelings hold.

Make friends with sorrow, rage, anger, sadness and anxiety, and they will no longer control you. They will be your teachers.

What wonderful teachers you have!
Warmly,
meb

Retreat

"To retreat," or to take a step back, seems to have bad press in our culture. It's not popular to take a step back in an argument, for example. It's not popular to put on the brakes and let the car trying to edge into your lane nudge into your lane! It's not popular to take a few moments to decide what you want when you're in line at fast food restaurant; make up your mind, fast! so you don't hold anyone else up! It's not popular to stand and count your change in line at the drug store. It's not popular to use the few moments you have to wait in line somewhere to close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and savor the moment.

Nope! None of these examples is popular.

To retreat, or to take a step back, is one kind of spiritual practice. Spiritual practice gives us an opportunity to try a different way to live. You don't have to do spiritual practice perfectly. Not at all; on the contrary, spiritual practice is, simply, practice. You get to practice and fail, and then you get to practice again.

This week, practice retreat. Don't even think about it if a second car cuts in line in front of you after the first one. Don't think about it when the line of traffic doesn't give way to you! It's not about THEM, it's about you, and you're practicing!

Enjoy!
Warmly,
meb

Give yourself a gift: forgive

Let's be honest: we all harbor resentments, hurts from past grievances, anger at someone we haven't spoken to for years. Many of us either don't want to forgive, or we don't realize how powerful forgiveness is, and how good it is for US to forgive.
Some of us have buried our resentments so deep inside that we have forgotten how our unwillingness to forgive is harming us in our lives.

Forgiveness, I think, has received the reputation of a nice, sentimental thing to do. Good people forgive. Good people forget. Good people are nice to the people who have hurt them, and they let them off the hook!

Forgiveness is much more real, much more powerful, and much more life-changing - and life-freeing - than the notions many of us hold of what "forgiveness" is.

Forgiveness is for you, for me, for us. Forgiveness is not about the person who has harmed us, intentionally or not. If you choose to forgive someone who has harmed you, you are letting yourself off the hook, not the other person. When you forgive another human being, you decide that what they did to harm you will no longer hurt you. That's it! You decide that what they did - intentionally or not - will no longer harm you.

You may not want to forget what someone has done to you in the past. For example, if someone you love has hit you or harmed you in some other way that leaves a lasting wound, it is important that you NOT forget what that person is capable of. You may not even want them in your life anymore. Forgiveness does not mean you trust someone who cannot be trusted with your safety, your life.

When you forgive, you let go of the "charge" you hold within you that binds you to someone else's behavior. You are set free!
When you forgive, you acknowledge your own humanity, and the humanity of the one who has hurt you.

Forgiveness takes practice.

Warmly,
meb

"I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key..." Melanie Safka

Many of us spend our lives looking for the person whose skate key will fit our roller skates. We look and we look, we roller skate past the houses of people whose skate key will fit our skates, we long and we long and we long for someone who will come along to make us whole.

Here are the facts: the roller skates and the key are both inside of you! You hold them both!

I'm not wanting to deny your loneliness or your longing. That's not the point of this post. The point is, instead, that before you find someone to fill in the missing places in yourself, or before you even go looking for someone like that, you have to find the missing places in yourself. This takes time, and it takes work, and it takes some introspection into yourself.

I know that work and family and grocery-shopping and getting the oil changed in the car and the daily commute take up most of your time. I know that. I also know that we don't get validation from anyone to do the work it takes to get to know who we are, who we really are. Don't count on validation from anyone else if you decide to spend some time with yourself, just to get to know yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back, though.

Find a few minutes every day. Make yourself a cup of tea. Put aside the book you've been reading, or the work you brought home from the office. Sit somewhere comfortable. Then, sit. Sit. Just sit. Do this every single day for awhile. How long? That's up to you. It may take awhile to get used to sitting without other plans. In fact, you might want to start out sitting for a minute or 5 minutes.

After awhile, you'll be surprised. You'll discover that it is indeed, true: the roller skates and the key are all there! You have everything you need to be happy.

Warmly,
meb

The Spirit is with you - always

Through the years, I've heard many, many life stories of people who "discovered" that they were not alone, that they had never been alone, that they were guided by the Spirit - God, Mary, Jesus, Buddha, Ba'haullah, the Mother - and that once they discovered this, their lives had changed.

I, too, have such a story in my life. Sometimes, the story line gets played out again and again, as I "re-member" that I am not alone.

It is true that in the moments of life, we are alone in a particular way. We are alone when we're born (unless we're a twin, but that only clouds the truth!), we're alone in our own particular journey, we're alone when we are going through difficult times,we are alone when we die. We may work hard to hide this truth from ourselves by surrounding ourselves with other people, people who we think will shield us from our deep loneliness.

On the other hand, we are not ever really alone. The One who has created us and who is creating us is alway with us, ready to be called upon in the darkest hours of the night, ready to be called upon as we are wheeled down the hospital hall into surgery, ready to be called upon when we are left alone with our children, our spouse taken from us too early. Whatever our need, we can call out the Name of the One who is always with us, ready to be known to us.

That One is waiting, now, for you to call out. Stop looking, now, name the One who cannot be named, and wait...

Warmly,
meb

Take a 15-minute vacation...

Most of us don't have or don't take the time for a bit of relaxation every day. One of the best ideas I've ever heard is the "15-minute vacation." The name gives it all away, but you get the idea.

Take a 15 minute vacation from your desk at work. Walk around the block. Really notice things you haven't noticed before. Be a site-see-er on your own turf! Look at things as if you were angling for the perfect shot to take home to show your friends.
Go into a favorite store and wander around for 15 minutes. Leave without buying anything.
Spend 15 minutes browsing at your favorite book-store. Sit down on one of the store's chairs with a book of photography, and take a trip that way! Sit for a few moments and do nothing - make that 15 long moments.
Take your kids on a 15 minute vacation. Do what your kids want for 15 minutes.

Allow yourself the gift of a 15 minute vacation. You'll make your day - and maybe everyone else's!

Warmly,
meb

"Defer the lead, enjoy the ride..."

Most of us are probably pretty good at making sure things happen as we want them to happen in our lives. We are good at accomplishing what we need to accomplish - and even more than we need to accomplish - and we are good at knowing what others need to accomplish, too. We know how to lead. Especially, we know how to lead ourselves.
Or so we think. At a particularly changing time in my life, a wise friend said, at just the right moment: "Defer the lead, enjoy the ride." That bit of wisdom has served me well, many, many times.

The truth is, we are not completely in control of what happens in our own life or in someone else's life. If we think that we are completely in control, we are in denial about what life really is. Life is constantly changing; we change, others change, what seemed good yesterday doesn't seem as good today, children grow up, lovers leave or they die, the work we thought was so important suddenly becomes unimportant, to ourselves or to others. Life is constantly changing. What we do or do not do is not as important as our willingness to trust life on life's terms.

I don't know about you, but I was raised to lead. I learned how to be responsible. I learned that what I said and how I said it made a difference. At a certain age, however, life gave me a wonderful, wonderful lesson: Sometimes, no matter what I do, things just aren't going to go the way I think they should or the way I want them to go.

That's when I moved, just a bit, from the front seat of the tandem bicycle to the back seat. When I first learned to ride tandem, I got very nervous riding in back, because I couldn't control exactly where the ride would go every moment. After awhile, though, I started to notice a few things about riding in back: I didn't have to work as hard, I didn't have to be "on" every single moment, and I didn't have to be vigilant about making sure the ride was perfect.

Whew! That's when I started to enjoy the ride...

Warmly,
meb

Saying "yes" to good, old, Ego!

Sometimes, all we can do is to admit that we just can't let go of Ego, our old friend! No matter how hard we "try," - in fact, "trying" is counter to "surrendering..." - we can't let go!!!

Maybe all we can do is to say, "yes" to our dear Ego. After all, Ego has served us well for a long, long time. From Ego, we've received a sense of self, strength in our ability to say "I like this," or "I don't like that!" It's not useful to fight with our Ego, just as it's a waste of our time, talents, and precious energy to fight with anyone else.

Say "yes," and allow God to do the rest!

Warmly,
meb

Lead with heart...

To the ancient people of the Middle East, the heart was the center of a person. The heart was the place where body, mind, and spirit came together. "Heart" was not only a place in the body, an organ. "Heart" was wholeness.

Look around you today. In our time and culture, we "lead" with our heads. In other words, we focus our attention on what we think, on our thoughts, on our reactions. We have to be ready with a quick response, with the right words, with an answer to everything.

Instead, practice "leading with heart" for one day. When you wake up in the morning, put your hand on your heart, on the place in your body where you can feel your heart beating. Say hello! Yes, go ahead, say hello to your heart! This is a way of remembering that your "heart" is your center.

Trust me here! Your mind, your thoughts, your brilliant ideas will not go away! When you practice "leading with heart," your thinking will be joined by other friends on the journey.

As I said before, look around you today. Our communities are in desperate need of those who "lead with heart." Our young people need adults who don't only lecture them; our young people need adults who have embraced their wholeness. Our cities need people who "lead with heart" to bring new ways of doing business to the table. Your partner needs you to embrace your heart as a way to connect.

When you "lead with heart," you call the heart out of others, as well.

Start a movement: "lead with heart." Try it, and let me know what happens!

Warmly,
meb

"Slow down, you movin' too fast, you gotta make the moment last..." - Paul Simon

"Slow down!"

I've changed that life-long refrain to "...slow down..." for myself over the past couple of years. In this fast-paced time and in our fast-paced culture, we don't hear the message: "...slow down..." except when someone is yelling to us in traffic: "Slow down!" (usually accompanied by some movement of the hands, and fingers!)

"...Slow down..." has become a mantra for me over the past several years. When I slow my pace, whether it's the pace of folding laundry or answering phone calls or taking a walk or going through my in-box, I notice things more. What a joy, and what a learning experience this is!

When I "...slow down..." I actually notice the day. I notice cloud formations, or I notice the hummingbirds who swoop down to check me out when I leave my house to go to my car in the morning. I notice one new rose bloom on the rose bush by my steps. I notice the fading light at twilight, and I enjoy it for a few moments. I notice that in between the noises of the city, who I am is really silent.

When I "...slow down..." I learn other things, as well. I learn that I often have a lot of inner turmoil, hidden beneath my usually frantic pace. I learn that my fast pace is motivated most often by my own sense of urgency, instead of others' demands. I learn that there is time to look a friend in the eye and to say, "I love you," more often.

All of these things are not the way I'm "supposed" to live. I'm supposed to be productive, I'm supposed to react to every demand placed upon me, I'm supposed to get more done than anyone and I'm supposed to look busy, no matter what. "...slow down..." is actually counter-cultural.

Make this your mantra, for today: "...slow down..."

Warmly,
meb

Getting Mad and Be-ing Spiritual

Sometimes we just plain get mad. I'm sure that's an understatement for most of us! Anger - "getting mad" - is part of being human. Real damage has been done to all of humanity by associating "being spiritual" with never "getting mad," however.
For example: have you ever heard someone being described as "a saint," because they never got mad? The part of the story you don't hear about that saint is that they suffered from depression or were passive-agressive in relationship to others, knowing no other outlet for their anger.

We all have our faults. Anger is not one of them. Anger simply is. Anger is energy. Anger is one of our feelings, a gift of being human. Anger lets us know when our boundaries have been violated.

How we treat our own anger, however, is also part of being human. Every single one of us - every single human being - is responsible for what they do with their anger. Road rage, which endangers us and every one else who is present, is not a responsible way to handle anger. War, which endangers all of human-kind, is not a responsible way to handle anger. Violence towards others - our spouse, our children, our parents, our neighborhood - is not a responsible way to handle anger.
Depression is a harmful way to handle anger, although it may be the only way we know how to handle our anger. Some of us use food or alcohol or other drugs or medications to "stuff away" our anger.

Because anger is energy, none of these approaches is a practical, productive way to use the energy of anger. Every one of them hurts either ourselves or others.

How can you learn to be responsible for your anger? I'll suggest a couple of things you can do to begin, but again, my approach is "simple, but not easy." My suggestions are only suggestions, not the whole range of possibilities. If you want to grow spiritually, you'll have to learn about how to be responsible for your anger at some point... are you ready?

1. Instead of reacting in your usual way the next time you "get mad," notice what the anger feels like. Where do you feel/sense the anger in your body?
2. When you get angry, take the opportunity to tell yourself: "this anger is mine. It belongs to me and tells me about me. No one else caused me to be angry."
3. Make friends with your anger. In other words, instead of pushing anger away, get to know your anger. Find out when it comes and when it goes, and whom it is likely to hurt: you or others.
4. Count to 10! This gives you time to think about your anger and to make a responsible decision. Then you can use your anger to make creative adjustments, when you are no longer in the heat of the moment.
5. Talk to someone you can trust about your anger. If your anger has caused you any problems in a relationship, then you need help. Get professional help - a counselor or therapist - if that's what you need.

Warmly,
meb

Sifting Through the Rubble of Life

When there's a disaster area in the world, our hearts and minds and television screens are turned toward the people whose lives have been irrevocably changed by the event. Sometimes, we are riveted to the television screen, like people in the United States were after the events of 9/11, or in the aftermath of Katrina, a horrific look into what life is like for many, many people in the United States, even now.

We watch as relief workers sift through the rubble of floods and fire and torrential rains and tornadoes to look for what is left of people's lives there, in those dark places.

Sometimes our lives are like these scenes of disaster, too. After a death, in the throes of divorce, an illness that plagues ourselves or someone we love very much, the loss of our life's work... sometimes these events drive on and on, one after the other, until we left standing in the rubble. Where do we begin again? How do we begin again?

We begin gingerly. We reach down into the rubble, to find whatever is left of life in what once was our life. We may have to put on gloves to protect ourselves from what we will find in the rubble. It's a mess, and this mess is our life. We begin, gingerly.

We begin by getting rid of the debris, until we see what is left that we want. When we've cleared enough of the rubble away, we can begin to decide what we want to salvage, and what we want to leave behind. Some of the things we thought were important before the disaster won't be important at all, afterward.

What do you want to salvage? If today were your last day on earth, what would you choose to be part of this day? If this is the only life you have, how do you want to live your life? What do you value most? Do you have what you value in your life today, or not? You have to get down to the basics, now.

Warmly,
meb

Surrender

Some days, it seems all I can do is to surrender.
For most of us, that's not an easy assignment! And it's remarkable that it's not easy, because "surrender" doesn't cost anything, doesn't require us to do any work, and will probably give us more than it takes away, unlike most things in life.

Surrender, letting go, trusting... simple words. "Simple, but not easy," as they say in the 12-step rooms.

Through the years of my spiritual/life journey, I've learned some tricks to help me to let go. They don't make it any easier, but they remind me that part of me wants to surrender, to accept, to trust whatever is happening - inside of me or outside of me.
One trick is what I call "The God Box." "The God Box" is an actual box - a small one, I would think, which is placed in a safe place. "A safe place" is a place where no one else is inclined to go poking around to see what is in that little box!

My God Box is on a shelf right above the beautiful, refinished secretary where I keep the bills to be paid and an adding machine, until I'm ready to pay the bills each month. No one but me looks at the shelves above the enclosure where the bills are kept (I'm about 100% sure of this).

When I have something to surrender - a feeling, a relationship, a question, a problem, a concern, a person - I write that on a piece (scrap) of paper and place it in the God Box.

Then I go back to what I was doing. Which is usually: worrying about whatever I've placed in the God Box. Only this time, I treat that issue differently. I gently remind myself that part of me has already surrendered, trusted, let go of the worry I've put in the God Box. Maybe not all of me is ready, but part of me - even a very, very small part of me - is ready to "let go."

Warmly,
meb

a leaf falls... loneliness - poem by e.e.cummings

I know loneliness. I have known loneliness since I was a child, growing up in a culture that could not nourish the artist in me.
I have known loneliness as a young adult, thinking that a partner would take my loneliness away. I know loneliness now, when it masquerades as anxiety or over-work, or wanting to please others.

My loneliness connects me in a deep way to everything in my life and in the world. I am a friend of the spider, weaving its lonely and beautiful and strong web on my steps. I am a friend of the woman in Darfur, who holds her dying baby in her arms, her eyes filled with terror and hopelessness. I am a friend of the homeless on the streets of the city. I am a friend of those who are crying in the night, alone. I am a friend of my skittish cat, Squeak, who doesn't know how to connect, to me or to other creatures. I am a friend of those who grieve.

Loneliness is not always a way for me to connect. Loneliness is a distraction. Loneliness is an excuse to be alone too much.

Still, I am grateful today for my loneliness. This morning, I woke up singing, "God's eyes are on the sparrow, and I know God watches me."

Today, I am one with all of you who are lonely.
Warmly,
meb

Surprises are all around!

Surprises are all around us. We have to keep our eyes open, however; we have to be sure to look.
The best ways I know to "keep our eyes" open is to surrender each day to God, to the Universe, to your Higher Power, to Allah, to the Creation.
How do you do that?
1. First, you say (as you put your feet on the floor and get ready to push yourself up from bed): "this day is Your's, __________,
and I give it to you."
2. Second, you pay attention, beginning at that moment.
3. Third, you gasp with surprise and joy at every surprise. You can even tell any one else involved in the giving of the surprise about how it makes sense, given how you started your day. Or, you don't have to tell anyone - you simply have to notice!

Keep your eyes - and hearts - open!
Warmly,
meb

"Thanks for everything..." from an ancient Chinese tale

Learning to be grateful is a process. I've been in that process for awhile now, and it has profoundly changed the way I accept people and events in my life.
About a year ago, at the suggestion of a good friend, I began to take a few moments each day to write a list of 5 things for which I am grateful. Soon after I began this practice, I noticed that my "eyes were opened!"
I've spent a lot of time in my life wrapped up in my own thoughts, my own reflections. In many ways, that's been a gift - to me, and to the world. On the other hand, it has also been my downfall. I can walk past beauty - a newly blooming rose bush, for example - for weeks before I notice.
When I began to take a few moments each day to write a list of things for which I am grateful, I began to look around me much more carefully. I've always loved beauty, but now I relish in beauty: a fragrance, the color of common things, my little black and white cat's tail held high in the air, the tree outside my window blowing in the wind and the sunlight. When I become aware of these things, I take a few moments to enjoy them as well as to notice them.
And my gratefulness is stretching, I've noticed. I have started to add to my list each day people and events in my life that aren't as enjoyable as other things: the traffic jam I got caught in yesterday afternoon, someone in my life who is difficult, the unanswered questions.
The truth is, I don't know why these difficult things are in my life. The truth is, I can be grateful I'm not living with the sound of gunshots or bombs dropping on my street. The truth is, I have plenty to eat in a world where many have nothing, not even a drop of water for a child. But this is not about comparing my difficulties to others. That's another topic, some day.

This is about me being grateful for whatever is part of my life. How can I judge whether it is "good" or "bad"? All I can really do is to accept. Gratefulness leads me to acceptance. Gratefulness leads me to love - to love someone who otherwise leaves me grumbling. Gratefulness leads me to calm, to peace.

Warmly,
meb