Monday, November 30, 2009

There but for God's grace

Dear Friends,

This past year I have often answered the knock at the door of my office and discovered someone with a long story, asking for help. Help means a few dollars. I confess, I am conflicted about how to respond. I listen to the story. I ask the person's name. I give them my name.

Most of the stories have a thread that sounds somewhat the same. Most of the stories are convoluted, too difficult to follow. Are the characters in the story real or not? Sometimes I walk across the street and pay for a room for the night at the motel there. One woman, after seeing the room I'd paid for for her, refused to stay there.

What is help, really? And is it really the grace of God that separates my life from these lonely people?

I don't believe that we "pick ourselves up by our bootstraps." It takes some privilege to even do that.

These days when so many of us are complaining that we have to watch our spending over the holidays, I don't know what to think. And these days, many of our neighbors are hungry. A woman overseas sits on the ground even as I write, flies flying around her head, her baby, hungry, in her lap.

meb

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

All Shall Be Well -

Dear Friends,

“All shall be well.
All shall be well.
All manner of thing shall be well.” - Julian of Norwich, Christian mystic

This past spring I came into conflict with a woman in the congregation I serve in downtown Oakland. The season of the conflict came quickly and unexpectedly. I was caught by surprise, although I was able to gather people who were available to listen to the offended person, to treat her with care, to hear her complaints, and to also invite her to her own place of responsibility.

This is not to say that I did not find myself thrown off-center! In the past, however, my way of being thrown off-center meant that I would become depressed, unable to be present to the congregation and to the community we serve. Instead, this time I began to ask the question in prayer: “What does this person do that is hidden in my shadow?” When I asked the question, responsibility for the answer belonged completely to me. In that responsibility I would also find freedom.

“What does this person do that is hidden in my shadow?” What came clearly to me when I stayed with the question was: anxiety. As I traveled deeper into anxiety, holding that part of myself with care and also trepidation, I discovered fear and anger. I decided to learn from the fear and anger, long-time companions on my journey. I sat with fear, spoke to her, and learned what it was she wanted from me. Then I sat with anger, spoke to her, and learned what it was she wanted from me.

From anger I learned that I am the one responsible for my own setting of boundaries. Boundaries provide safety for me and for others in my life. From fear I learned that I am the one who must provide for my own emotional grounding.

This past spring I came into conflict and I grew. I grew in my ability to stay centered, even during the storms of fear. What became clear to me: “It’s all good. It’s all good.”
This was the Moment of Illumination! “It’s all good.” I shared this idea with others around me who were struggled with their own demons, demons inside and out. “It’s all good.” Sometimes the points of interest in our journeys are places that hurt; sometimes the points of interest involve people we would not have chosen to make this journey with us; sometimes the points of interest involve our looking at parts of ourselves we wish would go away. They don’t! “It’s all good!”

In early November of this year I traveled to New Orleans to work on a team rebuilding houses for families who lost their homes in Katrina. Our team inherited the home of a couple who have spent most of the last 4 years living in a small trailer, living on the generosity of family and friends, waiting to go back home. As our team worked, we were supervised by Phyllis, who coordinates the work, materials and tools for the rebuilding of at least 60 houses at any time in New Orleans. Our team was not a team of experienced, hands-on workers. We made mistakes, and we saved our questions for Phyllis, who showed up once a day to bring supplies and to see our progress with a mind to preparing for the next team of people. Whatever we shared, Phyllis listened, nodded, and said: “It’s all good! It’s all good!” That’s what she has learned from her work after Katrina: “It’s all good.”
In the African American Christian tradition, there is a saying: “God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.”

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Yellow Tree

Dear Friends,

The tree outside my window is yellow again. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for the little birds to arrive to have their feast for the harvest. Yesterday I saw a jay, threatening and strong, sit on a branch. Soon a hummingbird came along, taunting the huge visitor.

But the finches have not yet arrived! I'm waiting. How will I wait for them? I'm impatient for them to come here to my window for my viewing pleasure.

The wise ones say those who travel far fail to receive wisdom. Wisdom and joy are right here, right now.

Take a look!
meb

Monday, November 23, 2009

How to let go

Dear Ones,

How do we let go? Living the life of surrender - the acceptance that all things are as they should be, that all is well - is the center of our spiritual journey. We do not "do" letting go! Surrender is not a "do" thing. Surrender is simply acceptance.

Not many of us are good at this. We are accustomed to making things work out, making them work out the way we want them to work out. We are practical people, after all. We know what needs to happen, and when it needs to happen, and we know how it needs to happen. We are the craftspeople of all that happens around us and in us - and around others!

Today, breathe into each moment. Practice "being" rather than "doing." Give thanks in each moment; this is the season of thanks, after all!

Surrender to what is. What does this mean?
Warmly,
meb

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Make Your Plans for the Day

Dear Friends,

Make your plans for the day. Decide what attitude you will have today. Will you be grateful? Will you feel good about yourself all day, come what may? Will you be kind, to yourself and others? Will you be full of joy today? Will you find yourself to be free in every moment?

We actually get to choose. If life has been throwing you some hard balls lately - and who hasn't had those times? - then decide for yourself that today will be different. Choose your plans for the day.

Try it! It works!
meb

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Learning to Give Thanks

Dear Friends,

At least we get to talk about "giving thanks" at this time of year! The harvest festival of Thanksgiving is a time when we culturally give thanks. Who among us is connected to the harvest anymore - that time when we stop to consider the bounty of the gifts we have received, quite apart from our own work and labor? Giving thanks seems to be a long way from the way we live, when for most of us a trip to the grocery store provides what we need. The work of our hands, and bodies, and all of our energy - is a long way from the days most of us spend at the computer or on the phone or driving in our cars.

Still, the spiritual practice of giving thanks is an important practice. It may be the most important spiritual practice there is. Today, give thanks. Give thanks for the beauty all around you. Take a few moments to see the beauty there, and then, give thanks!

Today, give thanks. Give thanks for the bounty of people in your life. Give thanks not only for those you love but for those you do not love, those you would not have chosen to be in your life.

Give thanks today. Simply, give thanks.
meb

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What We Rely Upon -

Dear Ones,

So many of the institutions we relied upon aren't standing up to the changing times. Think about your life a few years ago. How was it different? How is it the same? How quickly has technology changed? Has technology made your life better than it was before?

Newspapers and online news feeds remind us that those things that we thought would sustain us aren't working as they once worked. The banks, our employers, the government, the churches - none of these things is working as it once worked. Maybe things were never perfect, but in hindsight they did once seem to be better than they are now.

What do you rely upon? Who do you rely upon? If you've relied on others to be there for you, you often discover that others can't be there for you when you need them. Others - after all - have their own lives to live, their own problems to handle, their own crises to attend to.

In the end, we must each learn - often through the difficulties of life - to find our own center, our own way of building strength that can take us through difficult times. For me, that way has been prayer - reaching from myself to an unseen but very present power that is always there, as it always has been there for me. My prayer returns me to that place of acceptance and peace, regardless of whether things turn out the way I want them to - or not.

Who - or what - do you rely upon? On what do you stand when times are tough, as they are now for so many of us. These days, what we relied upon can only be relied upon to be different than it was before.

On what do you stand?
Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What Do We Need?

Dear Friends,

Everything seems to be falling apart. The people, the institutions, the systems that served us don't seem to be working very well anymore. For example - is politics important, or is the welfare of people important? We seem to be looking frantically for states-people, people who have a will for the people and who can rise above partisan bickering to see what is needed.
I am disheartened when I think about the public schools. I am disheartened when I think about the media and the hype we receive rather than news. I am disheartened when I think about young people who live their lives knowing they won't live past 20 years old. I am disheartened when I think about people - all over the world, and whose lives are our lives - who do not have food, who do not have shelter.

Everything seems to be falling apart. And another voice inside me says: "It's all good." How do I put these two apparently different voices together? Are they related? Is one voice crazy, the other sane? How do I make sense of this?

I may be naive, but I continue to think there is a way to live our lives that makes a difference. I continue to think that it is up to us to be the good the world needs.

And that takes work. We don't want to do the work. We want to put our little "fixes" together. How do we help the world? When we look at all of what needs to be "fixed," how do we really become part of what is good?

Today, I am filled with questions.
meb

Monday, November 16, 2009

With the Cat Gone

Dear Friends,

Waking up this morning, I want to make my cat sounds from the bedroom, where I know she'll hear me in the yard. Sometimes she answers me, sometimes not.

Yesterday afternoon when I drove up to the house, my eyes went automatically to the left hand corner of the garage, where I'd see her little black and white body appear as soon as she heard the garage door open. She'd never come for simply loving - she'd only come for food - but that was the little one.

I think I especially loved talking to her. That little black and white kitty brought forward a part of me that doesn't often come out. I had special names for her. From the time I walked out the back door until my car pulled away, I would be talking to her, whether I could see her or not. I knew she's hear my voice, and maybe it was a comfort to her. It was a comfort to me, anyway.

I guess she's not really gone, at least inside of me. I still expect to see her, paws up on the window, begging to be fed.

Every loss brings up other losses. When I mourn the cat, I mourn all the others who are gone, as well. My parents, my beloved aunts and uncles, my dear friends Sue and Harvey and Marilyn.

May your day be rich - filled with mourning, the tears of mourning, and the joy of today.

Joy to you.
meb

Ever

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Little One

Dear Friends,

Yesterday my husband and I buried our "little one," our little black and white cat, the shy-est cat in the world, who had been our little one for 7 years. Squeak came to us as a shy cat, and she died a shy cat. We were unable to get her into a box to take her to emergency after she developed convulsions. Finally, after enticing her with a can of tuna for a long time, she put half her body into the cat box and we pushed her in and snapped it shut.

At the vets, our little one was as calm as she gets for a few moments, until the doctor attempted an internal investigation of affairs. Then the cat got furious and squirmed her way out of the helper's grasp, onto the floor, and hid in a tube that was part of the x-ray equipment at the vets. There she stayed, on her back paws, until over an hour later the vet injected her through her back paw and pulled her out of the tube. Not before the staff had to take part of the equipment apart, however.

Squeak was a sweet cat. That's the best word for her - sweet. Whatever she carried with her from her birth or from her early days never left her, but she had a sweetness about her that was hers alone. For the past 4 years she's lived as happily as she ever got in the shed in our back yard, having proved herself unable to live in the house. In our years together, she spent several months scrapping for food after she fell out of a second story window, already having been confined to the front hall. We were completely confused about how to take care of her, even then.

Squeak was shy and even kind of sad. She knew how to receive but not how to give very well. But she gave us herself, her sweet, sad presence. I am grateful for the joy she brought me, and now I am taking in her leaving us, so quickly and so quietly.

Warmly,
meb

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Getting Real

Text ColorDear Friends,

Part of this journey of life is to "get real" - to be honest with yourself about yourself and who you are, what you're about. To "get real" takes some work, because most of the world is set up to make sure you don't "get real." What things seem to be they often are not!

How do you "get real?" First of all, you tell yourself the truth. If you want to help someone so that they think you're a good person, then help them - and admit to yourself your motivation. If you want to help someone because it seems to be the "right" thing to do, then what does the "right" thing mean? Why do you want to help at all? Does the other person want your help?

How do you "get real?" You discover how you feel about things, because how you feel is part of the reality of any situation. You can rationalize all you want, you can be completely clear about how you think about things, but if you haven't included in your understanding how you feel about things, then you don't have the whole picture. You really don't.

"Getting real" begins with you looking at yourself, and looking at yourself as you are, not as you like to think you are. It's important that "getting real" requires that you look at yourself, and turn your attention from looking at others. That's the work.

Life is a journey, and on today's wing of the journey, you get to be real, honest, true to yourself. This may hurt a bit - honesty isn't always fun! - but in the end, how else do you want to live your life?

Kindly,
meb

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Princess

Dear Friends,

When I was in New Orleans last week, I was privileged to meet Princess. When I was introduced to Princess, her other told me that her name was Niya, but at that moment, Princess stepped forward and announced: "I'm Princess!"

I believe her! Princess stands about 3 feet tall. She holds her belly out and puts her hands on her hips. She has pigtails that stand out from the side of her head, held in place with sparkling bobbles. Her eyes are bright, and her teeth sparkle.

Princess is, indeed, a princess. Some day she may forget that she is Princess, but I hope not.

Today, I'm holding the thought of Princess in my mind. I hope I have something of her in me, too. I know I did, once in my life. I hope she's not gone.

Warmly,
meb

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Let your heart lead

Dear Friends,

Place your hand on your heart. Feel the beating of your heart. The beating of your heart is something you do not have to make happen. What a relief!

Place your hand on your heart. This is your practice for today. Let your heart lead.

Watch your mind. Notice your thoughts. "Don't believe everything you think!" But lead with your heart.

When you lead with your heart, you are leading with the source of Love that is within you. Your mind can judge all it wants! Your mind can divide all it wants! But Love will lead.

Kindly,
meb

Monday, November 9, 2009

New Orleans, 2009

Dear Friends,
I've returned from a trip to New Orleans to work on the completion of a house for a family who lost their home in Katrina 4 years ago. I traveled and worked with a group of 8 people, 4 men and 4 women. Thankfully, several of our group were experienced and talented at building and remodeling homes.

We traveled over the Halloween weekend, when New Orleans is alive with celebration. The contrast of seeing people reveling in the streets as others live in trailers not far away, waiting for their homes to be rebuilt after the loss of everything, is astonishing. For those who survived the storm, to be alive means that not everything has been lost.

Our group stayed at the North Rampart Community Center on the edge of the French Quarter, next to St. Mark's United Methodist Church. We traveled to the home on which we worked each morning and worked through the day. We were fortunate to have arrived at the home after months of work by other volunteers, and the place was ready to be painted. In the middle of the week the family arrived to walk through the nearly finished house.

I was privileged to be present for the outpouring of gratitude from the woman and man whose home was being rebuilt. I knew I did not deserve the thanks and praise, but by the grace of God, I was one of those who was gifted to receive the thanks and praise.

Sometimes the gift is simply to observe the gift being given.
Warmly,
meb